When you start “dating” someone, how long does it take you to know or decide if they’re relationship material?
November 5, 2025
So basically how many dates/weeks/months does it take you on average to know if this is a person you’d want something long-term and committed with?
35 comments
Depends on the person. You may know right away it may take months. If you are still unsure after several months then it’s a no you are just not admitting.
My advice to anyone is that it is never too soon or too late to end a relationship that isn’t working for you.
+- 3 months, at first everyone shows their best side but after 3 months masks begin to slip
If I’m attracted, like them, and our values align, as long as it takes me to develop trust through their effort and consistency. For me, at least 3 months.
3+ dates is a sign we will continue to see each other. Within weeks I will know if we are going to work out or not.
10+ dates / 3 months
3rd date or however long it takes to have regular conversation with them to know if there is something there.
3 or more months to know if it is truly compatible and not just chemistry. You get to know a lot about a person at that point.
I need to feel things are good for a year. The first few months I want to be having fun on dates and just checking in with how he makes me feel. That said, it’s mostly our best foot forward.
As the masks start coming off and the power struggles start it’s about getting to know our routines, what’s important to us as individuals, and how we’re working through conflicts that come up.
A year in I’ve seen him in every season, every holiday. If he’s made it this far and I’ve tried to end things out of pure panic at least twice, I know he’s probably a keeper.
That said I have seen men mask for years and drop things 3 years in, after marriage, after a baby. I’m always ready to walk away. No matter how much better a man makes my life, and treats me amazing, I speak my needs and wants. Do what’s best for you because a man is always going to do what’s best for him.
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It varies depending on the person. I’ve met someone and instantly knew they would be an important person in my life and I’ve also had to take my time to get to know someone slowly. With my husband(ex) I experienced love at first sight. We were married a little over a year later. With my most recent ex I talked to him daily for 9 months before meeting him and we were in an official relationship a couple of months later.
It takes me a few weeks of seeing them regularly to know if I want to keep seeing them or not, like if feelings are developing or if I’m still not sure how I feel.
As far as relationship material, I think it takes longer to really know that because you have to get to know them to figure out if they’re relationship material or not. You don’t know them well in the early months bc many people have a mask on and are not showing you their true self.
The one thing you do figure out in the early months is if there are red flags that indicate they AREN’T relationship material. Then you just need to keep evaluating because with time, people let their feelings blind them instead of continuing to be observant about if this person is good for them or not
I knew mine was relationship material before we started dating. He asked questions, was emotionally intelligent, and we share enthusiasm for several sports we participate in. We match on a lot of other things as well, but i knew within weeks. I practiced a LOT beforehand though and I was pretty specific regarding who I was looking for.
Less than three months.
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I don’t really “date” in the traditional sense – like, actually plan dates and go in with the dating formula in mind. I get to know people and let connections develop into whatever they’re going to be. So, anywhere from 6 months to a year.
I know during the talking stage, because I ask my dealbreaker questions quickly. I’m very open to casual though, so I might still date someone for awhile even if they’re not relationship material.
Depends on the person
Some you know after one date if it wont work out
Others you go on a few dates with and really like, but the vibes are more friendly than romantic
And some you talk to for 3 months and still haven’t been on a proper date because their a single parent, but you dont want anything serious and enjoy the attention so you let it slide
One date usually
I don’t date people I don’t think are relationship material… but I’ve also never dated/used apps, so I’ve never done things according to that timeline or dating convention.
But I’d say if I’ve talked (mostly in person in my case and in *non* date situations) to this person and know them fairly well, and find him attractive, I’ll know I want to date them pretty much immediately. I’d say I have a good radar and judgement though… (hence why my relationships and exes have always been pretty great and healthy).
I wouldn’t think too much about it. There’s no harm in trying if you think you like them and if your gut/radar/instincts etc. in the past has generally been reliable. But I also don’t think people should “give it a try” with those they aren’t *fully* and very attracted and interested in either just to see “if” attraction/connection grows either.
I go with my gut now.
A string of bad relationships have taught me never to ignore that or risk staying in crappy situationships that go nowhere.
Met my person, he moved in within like 3 weeks and proposed in 11 months. When you know, you know
Honestly the first year you don’t know someone. My boyfriend and I have been dating for six months . We made it official after two months but I have to tell myself that we still don’t know each other well
Usually within 4–6 weeks. I pay attention to the energy if it feels peaceful instead of anxious, that’s my cue.
Usually 3-4 dates.
Back when I was “dating” here in Germany, there wasn’t a long “dating phase”, people knew within the first few dates if they wanted to start a relationship or not.
I can’t imagine dating someone for endless months just to make that decision.
I’m seeing someone right now. It’s very early on but I knew from around date 2-3 when he let his guards down that I really liked him. It’s been 3 months now almost and I’m in love ☺️
However I’ve been doubting sometimes and I think that’s normal and healthy, because we basically don’t know each other. But my doubts are slowly fading 🙂 and I’m also a person that doubts a lot in general.
I think I will know for sure when it’s been a bit longer maybe 6+ months because we are still at our best behaviors. I will find out when we have our first disagreements and we’ve seen each other stressed out and how we handle that.
I will say that if I make it past to date 3-4 with someone then it’s because it got a great amount of potential. Normally I end it after 1-2 dates.
Previous relationships, I tried going on dates hut I didn’t think it’d work out after max 3 dates.
Longest was my high school boyfriend, who was initially a close friend. We dated for half a year but never went past the handhold stage and did more than that.
With my current partner I was 100% obsessed from date 1, 2 years later I’ve proposed to him and we’re engaged now.
First meeting
I would say at least half a year to a year. The flaws start to come out. Even better if there’s a tough situation you both have to go through together.
Once a woman decides to go out on a date with a man she already thinks that he’s a relationship material, the date is about how good of a relationship material he is
It’s always different. I’ve had people ask or declare we were dating “months” in! I usually just go with the flow. Sometimes I get real passionate and wreck a situation by asking what we were. This last time. A person I was sitting over said they needed time to be alone. Then I said. “Okay we’re fuck buddies then.” Consequently I started acting less romantic and the flame blew out eventually. He then said we should be fucking but he sends me snapchat notifications every day. When I stop answering he sends more to keep the streak. Romance is hard. I wish it was a high school class.
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I know right away, I don’t need to waste more than 2 dates. I know my criterias, I know what indicators to evaluate. The rest is waste of time if you are not sure but you stay there.
Its hard for me to be emotionally attached to someone but usually for me it’s a sudden jerk of emotions. Usually within a month or so. I’ve only had two long term relationships. Both happened same way. Total epiphany.
3 dates. No formula, just seeing someone on three separate days and taking maybe 3+ hours per each date?
You’ll probably hit some major incompatibility by then, at least as much as you can detect without living with someone. I almost always can tell by date 3 what is going on there.
That being said, if you pursue more casual interactions, sometimes there is potential. You decide “hey, we’re just hanging out and fucking sometimes” but there clearly is something else that *could* be there and honestly, once you’re there with someone it becomes much easier to see a real long-term thing happening.
I think people who say it’s taking longer are just objectively… bad? weak? inept? lying to themselves? You should know by the end of date 3. Is that “it’s going to work forever” knowledge? Of course not. But it’s where you can start to take it seriously and learn that.
I didn’t date. With my current husband as friends we discussed on our first romantic “date” whether we were a couple or not. We were in the same page so we’ve been in a relationship for 8 years.
35 comments
Depends on the person. You may know right away it may take months. If you are still unsure after several months then it’s a no you are just not admitting.
My advice to anyone is that it is never too soon or too late to end a relationship that isn’t working for you.
+- 3 months, at first everyone shows their best side but after 3 months masks begin to slip
If I’m attracted, like them, and our values align, as long as it takes me to develop trust through their effort and consistency. For me, at least 3 months.
3+ dates is a sign we will continue to see each other. Within weeks I will know if we are going to work out or not.
10+ dates / 3 months
3rd date or however long it takes to have regular conversation with them to know if there is something there.
3 or more months to know if it is truly compatible and not just chemistry. You get to know a lot about a person at that point.
I need to feel things are good for a year. The first few months I want to be having fun on dates and just checking in with how he makes me feel. That said, it’s mostly our best foot forward.
As the masks start coming off and the power struggles start it’s about getting to know our routines, what’s important to us as individuals, and how we’re working through conflicts that come up.
A year in I’ve seen him in every season, every holiday. If he’s made it this far and I’ve tried to end things out of pure panic at least twice, I know he’s probably a keeper.
That said I have seen men mask for years and drop things 3 years in, after marriage, after a baby. I’m always ready to walk away. No matter how much better a man makes my life, and treats me amazing, I speak my needs and wants. Do what’s best for you because a man is always going to do what’s best for him.
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It varies depending on the person. I’ve met someone and instantly knew they would be an important person in my life and I’ve also had to take my time to get to know someone slowly. With my husband(ex) I experienced love at first sight. We were married a little over a year later. With my most recent ex I talked to him daily for 9 months before meeting him and we were in an official relationship a couple of months later.
It takes me a few weeks of seeing them regularly to know if I want to keep seeing them or not, like if feelings are developing or if I’m still not sure how I feel.
As far as relationship material, I think it takes longer to really know that because you have to get to know them to figure out if they’re relationship material or not. You don’t know them well in the early months bc many people have a mask on and are not showing you their true self.
The one thing you do figure out in the early months is if there are red flags that indicate they AREN’T relationship material. Then you just need to keep evaluating because with time, people let their feelings blind them instead of continuing to be observant about if this person is good for them or not
I knew mine was relationship material before we started dating. He asked questions, was emotionally intelligent, and we share enthusiasm for several sports we participate in. We match on a lot of other things as well, but i knew within weeks. I practiced a LOT beforehand though and I was pretty specific regarding who I was looking for.
Less than three months.
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I don’t really “date” in the traditional sense – like, actually plan dates and go in with the dating formula in mind. I get to know people and let connections develop into whatever they’re going to be. So, anywhere from 6 months to a year.
I know during the talking stage, because I ask my dealbreaker questions quickly. I’m very open to casual though, so I might still date someone for awhile even if they’re not relationship material.
Depends on the person
Some you know after one date if it wont work out
Others you go on a few dates with and really like, but the vibes are more friendly than romantic
And some you talk to for 3 months and still haven’t been on a proper date because their a single parent, but you dont want anything serious and enjoy the attention so you let it slide
One date usually
I don’t date people I don’t think are relationship material… but I’ve also never dated/used apps, so I’ve never done things according to that timeline or dating convention.
But I’d say if I’ve talked (mostly in person in my case and in *non* date situations) to this person and know them fairly well, and find him attractive, I’ll know I want to date them pretty much immediately. I’d say I have a good radar and judgement though… (hence why my relationships and exes have always been pretty great and healthy).
I wouldn’t think too much about it. There’s no harm in trying if you think you like them and if your gut/radar/instincts etc. in the past has generally been reliable. But I also don’t think people should “give it a try” with those they aren’t *fully* and very attracted and interested in either just to see “if” attraction/connection grows either.
I go with my gut now.
A string of bad relationships have taught me never to ignore that or risk staying in crappy situationships that go nowhere.
Met my person, he moved in within like 3 weeks and proposed in 11 months. When you know, you know
Honestly the first year you don’t know someone. My boyfriend and I have been dating for six months . We made it official after two months but I have to tell myself that we still don’t know each other well
Usually within 4–6 weeks. I pay attention to the energy if it feels peaceful instead of anxious, that’s my cue.
Usually 3-4 dates.
Back when I was “dating” here in Germany, there wasn’t a long “dating phase”, people knew within the first few dates if they wanted to start a relationship or not.
I can’t imagine dating someone for endless months just to make that decision.
I’m seeing someone right now. It’s very early on but I knew from around date 2-3 when he let his guards down that I really liked him. It’s been 3 months now almost and I’m in love ☺️
However I’ve been doubting sometimes and I think that’s normal and healthy, because we basically don’t know each other. But my doubts are slowly fading 🙂 and I’m also a person that doubts a lot in general.
I think I will know for sure when it’s been a bit longer maybe 6+ months because we are still at our best behaviors. I will find out when we have our first disagreements and we’ve seen each other stressed out and how we handle that.
I will say that if I make it past to date 3-4 with someone then it’s because it got a great amount of potential. Normally I end it after 1-2 dates.
Previous relationships, I tried going on dates hut I didn’t think it’d work out after max 3 dates.
Longest was my high school boyfriend, who was initially a close friend. We dated for half a year but never went past the handhold stage and did more than that.
With my current partner I was 100% obsessed from date 1, 2 years later I’ve proposed to him and we’re engaged now.
First meeting
I would say at least half a year to a year. The flaws start to come out. Even better if there’s a tough situation you both have to go through together.
Once a woman decides to go out on a date with a man she already thinks that he’s a relationship material, the date is about how good of a relationship material he is
It’s always different. I’ve had people ask or declare we were dating “months” in! I usually just go with the flow. Sometimes I get real passionate and wreck a situation by asking what we were. This last time. A person I was sitting over said they needed time to be alone. Then I said. “Okay we’re fuck buddies then.” Consequently I started acting less romantic and the flame blew out eventually. He then said we should be fucking but he sends me snapchat notifications every day. When I stop answering he sends more to keep the streak. Romance is hard. I wish it was a high school class.
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I know right away, I don’t need to waste more than 2 dates. I know my criterias, I know what indicators to evaluate. The rest is waste of time if you are not sure but you stay there.
Its hard for me to be emotionally attached to someone but usually for me it’s a sudden jerk of emotions. Usually within a month or so. I’ve only had two long term relationships. Both happened same way. Total epiphany.
3 dates. No formula, just seeing someone on three separate days and taking maybe 3+ hours per each date?
You’ll probably hit some major incompatibility by then, at least as much as you can detect without living with someone. I almost always can tell by date 3 what is going on there.
That being said, if you pursue more casual interactions, sometimes there is potential. You decide “hey, we’re just hanging out and fucking sometimes” but there clearly is something else that *could* be there and honestly, once you’re there with someone it becomes much easier to see a real long-term thing happening.
I think people who say it’s taking longer are just objectively… bad? weak? inept? lying to themselves? You should know by the end of date 3. Is that “it’s going to work forever” knowledge? Of course not. But it’s where you can start to take it seriously and learn that.
I didn’t date. With my current husband as friends we discussed on our first romantic “date” whether we were a couple or not. We were in the same page so we’ve been in a relationship for 8 years.