TL;DR I got cheated on about a year ago and now I randomly think about it and I start being super disrespectful too him
My boyfriend (M33) cheated on me (F21) about a year ago. I think what it was when we got together he never got rid of his side pieces from when he was single because the messages were for months long with multiple women. I honestly wish he would’ve banged 1 random girl over what he really did because it was for months with multiple girls I feel like emotions were involved.
Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t been the perfect partner either and I know I’ve done things that he didn’t like, not cheat but just other things. Whenever we argue or i get worried he’s doing something I get super mean and say some pretty hurtful things. Sometimes we’ll be having a good day and I’ll see a girl that resembles one of the girls or a name similar to theirs and I just bring it up and start calling him names and being mean.
I want to forgive him and we both try to follow Jesus and try to forgive, but I cannot find it in my heart to forgive him. I feel depressed a lot and I talk to him about it and he’s so tired of it getting brought up he just pretty much says it doesn’t matter because it happened so long ago and he’s been good so he doesn’t know why I’m worried. We have been together 2 years. We have a lot of similar beliefs and interests and such. I know he isn’t the last man on earth but I don’t want to throw it all away. I don’t know what to do