TL;DR: I (25F) gave up my job and independence after marrying my husband (36M) abroad. He now controls all finances, threatens to kick me out, has spit at me, and uses my visa status against me. I feel trapped and scared but don’t know how to safely leave when I have no savings or support here.
Hi everyone,
I’ve been with my husband for a year and married for 8 months. Things moved fast because I really thought he was the one. He was always a bit controlling, but at first it seemed harmless and “protective.”
Before meeting him, I had moved abroad for a job and lived independently for about a year. I worked for a well-known airline, but when we met, he convinced me to quit — saying we couldn’t have a proper relationship otherwise. He promised to help me start my own business and invest in me.
Being naive, I trusted him. I gave up my job, apartment, and independence because he made me feel safe. Now, he controls all the money and decides how much I get. I have no emergency funds, no car, and very limited freedom. (I would have never did this for anybody before I just stupidly trusted his words)
In the past two months, things have gotten worse. He’s been threatening to kick me out over small arguments — even though he knows that if he leaves me, I’d have to return to my home country where getting a good job is difficult.
Last night, he lost his temper and spit at me twice. He told me he’s going to cheat on me and that I should “watch my back.” I asked for a sincere apology, and he brushed it off with a simple “sorry.”
I feel completely stuck — financially, emotionally, and because of my visa situation. I don’t want to go back home because this country has always been my dream, but I also don’t want to stay trapped like this.
This morning I went to the gym to clear my head, and he threatened that if I left, he’d end things — all because he “doesn’t trust me” after what he said to me.
I know I made mistakes by giving up my independence, and I’m not looking for judgment — just advice on how to safely get out of this situation when I have no money, no local support, and my visa depends on him