Hi.
My girlfriend and I are for 10 months together. When we started dating she still had contact with her ex until like 1 or 2 months of being together. I met him a few times, just a weird guy, but nothing crazy. When she was talking about him, she said she didn't know anyone else in the city, so she still had contact with him. As we started to be together I told her that I'm not feeling great about her having contact with him and after a talk or two she agreed and said that she didn't need him anymore and he had a bad influence on her (once when I went to her place when we were just friends, they were arguing etc.) also when she wanted to break up with him, he was trying to self harm so they been together for a little longer.
All and all, she was happy to be over him and understood that I didn't like him and just wanted our exes to stay in the past. She sometimes recalls situations like "Last time I did spaghetti it was bad and my ex didn't like it either" I said that adding him was unnecessary and she was like "omg why you are making a fuss about it?" A few months ago our washing machine broke and her first thought was to call her ex, because he lived with her before, and not a developer, her father or anyone else or just to try to fix it by ourselves.
Moving to the situation from yesterday – my love is having a hard time at job and being unable to find a new one. When she had a tough moment I told her not to worry, supported her with warm feelings etc, and said that even if she breaks up crying somehow and drop the job in a second, I'll be there and provide for us (we could live properly only on my paycheck), but just calmly said that it's gonna be better for both of us to have jobs, but all and all, full support and she knew it. Yesterday, when she had a bad moment and had to take a break in a lunch room, she called her ex to calm herself down and told him to ask around and find her a new job. We had a talk about this that resulted in not unpleasant evening and nothing is fixed. I told her that I understand her situation, though I'm not feeling well with her talking to her ex once again and that's where all this began. She was shouting and calling me things like "You have a good job so you shouldn't talk", "I don't understand why you are acting so moved", "I found him a job when we were together, so he needs to find me now". I didn't hear a single "Okay, I understand your feelings". There were a lot more of unpleasant things from her, where all I did was just expressing my feelings and later saying that we don't need to argue and shout, that didn't help.
This morning we woke up and when she saw that I'm not in a great mood, she asked me about it and I said that we didn't resolve that situation from yesterday and also she was shouting and calling me ugly comments, she said something like "So you are going to be mad still eh?" I just didn't know how to respond. When we were driving to our jobs this morning, I said that I don't know what to do, but it's good that we are not arguing and even asking basic normal questions about the day, but I think we should resolve that at home after job. She said something "I don't need to resolve anything" etc.
She is a kinda emotional person, but I often calm her down and she is grateful, I don't know what to do, because this isn't the first situation. I would gladly read every comment and answer more questions.
Tl:dr – my girlfriend contacted her ex in a moment of struggle, but I was there to support her and I expressed my worries of her reaching out to him, but she got mad that I didn't like what she did