Dads need to stop being so weird about their daughters having sex

28 comments

1. It’s most likely because guys know what guys are like at that age.

2. They’re afraid their daughters will be sexually assaulted or get pregnant and have to go through an abortion, which is a pretty rough thing to have to do.

   Not excusing, just explaining.

   It’s just less dangerous for boys.

3. i think it’s weird when fathers get involved in their daughter’s sex lives beyond being supportive of being safe and autonomous, but also being a person that provides a safe space to come to if they need someone to turn to for difficult situations.

   i worked for someone who said he was going to lock his child in a basement when she turned like 15 and not let her out until she’s 50. that girl was less than a year old when he said this. i find that to be a bizarre thought to have about your infant daughter.

   you are right that men need to get over this and break the cycle behind this thought process

4. There’s an American phenomenon known as the “purity ball” which is the craziest most incestuous shit ever.

5. As a new father I’ll say that the concern for me someday isn’t that my kids will have sex, but it’s who they have it with. If they are put under pressure to do it, if it happens naturally, if I gave them the proper emotional and moral tools to make sure the choices are their own and understand the cause and effect it can have on them with the wrong people.
   Also, overly romanticizing the “first time” is no good when all it does is make them feel like the first time has guidelines and every time after that isn’t as important or should be treated with as much care.
   Parents need to stop treating it like a game of keep away.

6. The potential consequences are far worse, and the likelihood of being taken advantage of are way more for girls than boys. It sucks it’s that way, but it is. Do you want fathers who guard their little girl or not? It’s the business of that parent how they get involved in the life of their child. If I had a daughter I’d tell you to fuck right off.

7. I don’t have daughters, but I could see how a well-meaning dad could fail to transition out of the protector role. We know that the world has its dangers and are programmed to keep our kids safe. Some adapt better than others as their children grow into adulthood.

8. Men will generally be more protective of daughters, because they are inately more at risk of danger than sons. 

   And they also know how predatory men can be. 

9. The consequences are far greater, the amount of adult men preying on young girls / teens is far greater, the danger of physical violence is greater, the effect on your future ( career, education, etc) is potentially far greater, so you are going to have more scrutiny. Its not fair, but it does have some basis in reality. Sure, theres 2000 yrs of puritan shame attached to it as well, with cultural norms piled right on top. I feel your pain, but also, cut dad a little slack. Push back, own your sexuality, but just know its really scary being a father and feeling like half the world is trying to victimize your child / teenager. A little grace both ways, goes a long way. Hopefully your father will learn that as well.

10. As a father I had a daughter (19) have a child with a boy (16) at the time. My daughter couldn’t understand why I was upset. Well 4 years later she split with this guy and is a single mother. Thats what i hate about them (daughters) having sex. You can be so easily manipulated when you’re young.

11. It’s because women can get pregnant and pregnancy is one of the costliest things a person can do. Sex has more consequences for women than it does for men. It reasons that there would be different expectations for them.

12. No. She was 19 and he was 16. She chose to love this kid against my advise

13. Thank you for bringing this up. It’s so glossed over all the time

14. Its very simple: if their daughters have sex, then she‘s a slut/used/tainted/robbed, if their sons have sex then they‘re a man/chad/king. Well except if they have sex with a guy, then they‘re gay/disappointment/trans/not-manly.

    This wont go away bc they get taught this kind of thinking by their parents/older-generation/church/political-party/TV/Media

    Education is the solution. Nothing else will fix this.

15. They’re weird about their daughters having sex but then their son will tell them about their conquest and they’ll get a high five.

    The double standard is real.

16. Completely agree. Sex is a wonderful part of a fulfilling relationship; why would you want to deny that to your own children??

    Just make she’s safe and autonomous. Choosing (hopefully wisely, but we all make mistakes) for herself.

17. I’ve never acted like that with my daughters or stepdaughters having sex, any more than my sons or stepsons having sex. I taught them how to take care of themselves, and I trust them to engage in sex responsibly and safely. I also taught them how to beat the shit out of anyone who gave them trouble. And I don’t need to threaten guys about them treating them right… I’m fairly certain that they’d more than tell any guy what I’d do to them if they fucked up and disregarded consent or tried to abuse them in any way.

18. I just want to say I know exactly what you are referring to, and although a lot of men are making excuses here, it’s not okay, it’s unfair treatment of girls.

    Yes girls are more vulnerable in certain ways, but rather than shame her and restrict her, a father should talk openly to her about those vulnerabilities and his concerns for her. He should never shame her or make her feel that yer interest in sex in boys is anything but natural. He should be willing to talk to her when she is interested in a boy, to meet him, to supervise them hanging out eventually. If parents are open enough, she will even talk to them about boys and sex, and ask their opinions. She will want to know what they think of this or that boy. That open communication and willingness to allow her some freedom within her home is far better for her and safer.

    Otherwise, if they shame her and are unwilling to compromise at all, she will resent it at best, it will cause her to internalize shame and it will harm the relationship, at worst she will sneak around which is where the real danger lies.

19. Definitely felt this same way as a teen .

20. Yeah having a great dad has shielded me from how fucked up all this is. He raised me alone from a fairly young age and not only didn’t he do any of this shit, he gave me excellent sex education and made sure I knew everything I have to know when it comes to safety.

21. This is something uniquely American.

22. My daughter is 3, so I don’t have to think about this for a while but anywhoo here are my two cents..

    I wouldn’t be disappointed if she had sex at for example 16, nor would I be weird about it if she told me, but I wouldn’t really *want* to hear about it (unless something bad had happened), that part of her life is not something that involves me anyway. She’ll always be my little girl, no matter how old she is, but I know others won’t see her that way as she grows up and I do want her to experience all the good life can provide.

    That being said if she has a boyfriend at that age I’d just assume they had done it or soon would as most couples that age do, but boyfriend or not I’d just hope she was smart about it, used protection and didn’t “give herself” to the first asshole that came her way, but rather to someone who treated her right.

    Of course if she came to me with questions I’d do my best to answer them, though I suspect she’d prefer to speak to her mother on this topic as sons prefer to speak with their fathers.

23. My dad was by no means perfect, but he was great on this front. Always made me feel empowered to make my own choices about when and with whom I had sex as a teen. I’m sure he had some private thoughts on the matter(!) but he trusted me to make my own decisions and was there if I needed to talk to him about sex & relationships. There was no suggestion he was some guardian of my chastity or other stupid toxic nonsense, thankfully.

24. I have two daughters (2 and 0 currently) and people are already making “jokes” about how I’m going to have a tough time when boys start showing up, or that I’m going to have to keep them away or some dumb shit like that.

    I full body cringe every time.

25. Imagine them telling that to their sons, mhmm, but with men, it is almost like the other way around, if they don’t go for the women they are disqualified as being gay (to all the gay people, this is not my opinion, this is just something I heard being used in a disrespectful way), or are just not “real” men…

    I feel very sorry for you that your stepdad seems to be such a dick when it comes to this, and if I were you, I’d definitely confront him about that, but that’s just my mentality of not giving a shit and of not tolerating such patriarchaic behaviour.

26. Its definitely weird behavior. But as a man myself I will give some dads some defense. There’s so many guys that are creeps or looking to take advantage of women. And these guys can mask themselves very well sometimes.

    So while I think its weird to restrict your daughters sex life I can understand being worried about it. As someone in my early 20’s I hear so many stories about women being scorned by awful guys, that I’d never want my future daughter to be on the recieving end of.

27. I don’t have sons, so I have no idea how that feels, but my daughters don’t want to think about me in this way any more than I want to think about them. It’s natural and healthy of course on both sides, but neither of us want to spend a lot of time thinking about it to be honest.

28. As a dad of two sons and a daughter, I couldn’t agree more. Just like my son’s, I want my daughter to be safe, responsible, and have a good time.

    Being obsessed with your daughter’s virginity is weird.