We have been together for 5 years as of August and living together in an apartment he pays for for over 4 years. I have a lot of student loan debt, and he has very little debt. He makes a decent amount more than what I do at this moment. I am also extremely fragile and emotional right now because my lovely grandmother passed away a week ago, and I was very close with her.
Since the beginning of our relationship, he has talked about buying his own home. I fully understand and agree with the decision for everything to be in his name. I was prepared for that. I was not prepared for him to go view houses, put in offers, and close on a house without me. I was upset about this and hinted about it because he took his mom house hunting one day. I asked him if he's going to listen to her opinion. He said he doesn't want anyone's opinion because it's his money and his purchase only. I left the room and had to cool down by myself. I was so angry and I still am. I think because he has referred to this decision as a house for two people and telling me to get my stuff ready to move that I should have a small opinion on this or to at least more knowledge on the situation.
Once I cooled down a day later, I asked him if he was looking for a starter or a forever home. He said forever. This was a stab to my heart. He wants to find his forever home, and if he saw me as his forever love, then I feel I should be included. It's making me question the relationship. He's never hinted at an engagement or marriage. People ask us all the time in public, and he just laughs it off.
He's viewed at least 5 houses without me. 3 of them were with his mother. He put an offer in on 2 of them. Today his offer was accepted and now he's telling me to get ready to move. I feel like I'm in a dictatorship because of this instead of a relationship. I'm going through a difficult stage of grief, and this has added even more heartbreak.
I told my mom earlier he closed on a house, and she kept referring to it as "your house," and I had to keep correcting her that it was his. It hurt even more hearing that numerous times and feeling zero connection to it.
How do I approach talking about this with him? If he brings up his money and his purchase how do I handle navigating that?
I'm not sure I even want to move into his house with these thoughts of it will never be mine looming over my head. I just wanted to be included because I thought this would be the next step to building a life together. I see it as him building his future instead without me.
TL;DR – long term boyfriend doesn't include girlfriend in any aspects of buying a house. Girlfriend just wants opinion heard and to be involved. He is paying for it and she is okay with that part because she has debt. Girlfriend is also dealing with family death. Girlfriend wants advice.
Edit: clarity
Edit 2: he lived in this apartment for 2 years before me. He told me I did not need to pay rent here. The rent is not very much, and I could have easily contributed to it if asked. I pay all of my own bills and have some money saved. He has perfect credit. I have mediocre credit.