TL; DR: my boyfriend and I have not had sex since we’ve started dating and im not sure how I feel about it.
I (28F) started dating my boyfriend (29M) a few months ago. We instantly clicked and started seeing each other more and after a month of dating, we decided to make things official. Throughout our dating phase there was talk about being sexually attracted to each other and how we both wanted to have sex. We had occasions where things would begin to escalate, but we never actually did anything after he told me he didn’t want to do anything in a car, which I respected. Around the time that things became official, we had an opportunity to have sex and I was excited. He was the person to first initiate it, only to find that he could not finish. It was our first time, so I just assumed that he was tired so we stopped and went about our day. Once presented with another opportunity, the same thing happened. Being the person I am, I asked if everything was okay and he said yeah. Eventually we had another opportunity and the same situation happened, this time I took it personally and I broke down. I felt like maybe I just wasn’t good at what I was doing or maybe he just didn’t find me attractive to which he said was not true. He told me that he had just gotten really nervous and wanted to make sure I was enjoying myself and I was. We ended the night by deciding we would try another time. Eventually we did after a few days and things were leaning in the same direction as the time before, but this time he said he got distracted. Again, I broke down and was really just trying to understand where this was coming from, whether it was something I was doing or not doing. He again reached the conclusion that he was nervous again. Not wanting to put pressure on sex, we eventually just didn’t try for some time. During that period of time, our relationship grew and things have been great. At some point, we did try once more only for someone to interrupt which seemed to have killed the mood for him so we stopped. I’ve opened up to him about how all of this makes me feel like maybe he just doesn’t find me attractive and it just feels like this is something I need to feel closer to him. I’ve had issues with intimacy in the past that I’ve told him about and mentioned how just based on previous relationships, I feel like this might be something weird validation I need to feel good about our relationship. I know this is something I have to work through on my own which I am, but it weighs on me sometimes. I feel wrong for wanting to be close to my partner in that manner and worse because I feel like I make him feel bad for not being able to perform, especially when I start to cry and talk about it. All he keeps telling me is that we will try soon, but I just feel like maybe he’s pushing it off and doesn’t take the initiative to make it happen. I feel wrong for even talking about it and I just dont know what I need to do. Outside of this, our relationship is great, but it lacks this type of intimacy.
I really just want to know if I’m making a big deal out of this or if im out of line for wanting that level of intimacy with him. Is there a better way him and I could be going about this?