Hey all.
So, i (35F) matched with this guy (31M) on an app, we are chatting for a few days and conversation is going well, he is talking about making dating arrangements.

He is very sweet, polite, respectful, charismatic, flirty on the right ways, super intelligent, and incredibly handsome too.

The peoblem is: he has something with his tongue. He has a disturbingly huge, long tongue. And he likes to send random selfies just sticking that thing out with no context, and honestly it turned me off immediately on the first time, enough that I actually stopped replying for a day.
He thought I was just busy at work and again, he is super sweet and thoughtful. So I made a very light joke about the tongue and decided to carry on, because he seems to be a good man overall.

Problem is he keeps on doing it. It is grossing me out. I literally don't want anything to do with him at this point because as handsome as he is, he just feels repulsive every time he does this.

But at the same time, i wonder if I am not just being too quick in discarding a decent guy before trying to somehow communicate what the issue is. I don't want to ghost him, or be harsh.
Just stop sticking that tongue out ffs. Just stop. Is not his fault his tongue is big but ffs it's not sexy.

How do I communicate this without literally killing the vibes?

[UPDATE]

I replied to his last tongue selfie, saying "your tongue shows up more in selfies than your smile 👀 I'm starting to worry it is the one texting me 👀"

He said "oh, would you like to see me smiling more?"

I said "oh yes! Preferably without all that tongue 😅"

He proceeded at sending lovely smiley pictures, to which I replied I loved them all much better, and now he is sending me cute romantic playslists on Spotify. It is super lovely!


13 comments

  1. Just tell him the tongue pics aren’t doing it for you. Most guys would rather know than keep doing something that’s turning you off. You can frame it like “hey I’m more into your regular selfies” or something. If he’s actually as sweet and thoughtful as you say he’ll probably just laugh it off and stop

  2. Honestly just be direct but gentle about it. Something like “hey I think you’re really sweet but the tongue pics aren’t really my thing” should do it

    If he’s as thoughtful as you say he is, he’ll appreciate the honesty instead of you just ghosting. Better to find out now if he can take feedback or if he gets weird about it

  3. Honestly you already made a light joke about it and he didn’t pick up on the hint, so being more direct might be your only option here. Maybe try something like “hey I know you’re just being playful but the tongue pics aren’t really doing it for me” – if he’s as sweet and thoughtful as you say he should be able to handle that feedback

    Sometimes people genuinely don’t realize what they’re doing is off-putting and need someone to spell it out for them

  4. Just say “Dude, what’s up with all the tongue pics?” Then see what he says. He might say why do you ask. You can say it’s ruining the vibe or something. It’s time to be blunt. Because if this is his “thing” it’s gonna be a huge turnoff.

  5. I SO get this. My ex-husband has an uncomfortably long tongue and someone put the idea in his head that that is God’s gift to womenkind. So he would take every opportunity to terrorize me with it (TMI but he wasn’t even good at what the “gift” was supposed to be; turns out having just the equipment and no skill does nothing) even when I told him that it intimidates me.. he just took that as a boost to his ego and doubled down on it. Maybe gently share with him that the tongue pics are making you uncomfortable. If he apologizes and stops, that’s a good sign. If he ghosts you or feels rejected, đŸš©đŸš©đŸš©

  7. You send him this: “why is your tongue out in all your pics lol”

    He will either immediately realise you’re not into it and stop, he will make some sort of sexual remark about it (at this point you can decide if you’re okay with it or not), or he’ll give you a left field answer you never expected đŸ€Ł

    I think you should let him know tactfully that you’re not into it. You don’t really have anything to lose here. If he’s weird about it it then you dodged a bullet, if he apologises and stops immediately but continues the same cadence then you can take it as a green flag that he is capable of listening without getting butthurt.

  8. I’m speaking from experience. Go ahead and tell him. And maybe he will adjust, but you will likely discover 3-7 other things that completely turn you off about him. And likely he thinks he’s great at oral, and guess what? He isn’t.

  10. That was the best way to handle it. Be nice and honest. I don’t get why younger people are so afraid of being open and honest. I’m glad you didn’t ghost because that’s what you do when you don’t deserve anybody and want to show them that you’re part of the problem with modern dating.

  11. See if you don’t like something ..just tell him.. he will understand. Don’t worry!!

  12. A note to all the homies that read this:

    Please just clearly state wants, needs, thoughts, and feelings. Don’t be an asshole about it, obviously. And there’s exceptions to every rule. But for the most part if something is bothering you to the point you feel like seeking advice, then you should probably just directly explain things to the person you’re dating or talking to.

    If they’re cool about it, hey, problem solved. If they’re not cool about it, well better to find out how they handle conflict resolution now than waste time. If someone likes you or cares about you and is a good person, then they will want to hear your concerns and make you comfortable.

  13. You handled that perfectly. You were honest but playful, and he responded really well. That kind of communication sets a great tone early on.

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