I really need an outside perspective on this because I feel stuck.
I (F20) live in the U.S., but my husband(M22) is in Canada. I’ve spent time up there with him, and I honestly love it. The weather, the atmosphere, the general lifestyle. I feel more at peace there than I do here. The problem is, my entire family and all the people I grew up with are in the current state I'm in. I'm talking within 30 min of each other, we do monthly board game nights, and holidays together.
I’ve never loved the state I live in now, and my husband has even offered to move here so that I don’t have to leave my family behind. But we both know that neither of us really want to stay here long-term, eventually, we’d probably move to another state or country anyway.
What’s making this so hard is my mom. She’s the person I’m most attached to and the main reason I feel anxious about moving. She’s not elderly or dependent, but I can’t help worrying about being so far from her. I’ve asked if she’d ever consider moving north after she retires, but she’s said no, she would miss his kids, sisters, which is all fair. But if something happened to her after I left I would never forgive myself.
My husband doesn’t have much family just his sister, so if I moved to Canada, I’d be leaving my entire family for basically none. On the other hand, if I stay, we’d both be somewhere we don’t enjoy living.
I feel torn between two versions of happiness:
- one where I’m near my family but never really content where I live,
- and one where I’m with my husband in a place I truly love, but far from everyone I grew up with.
I don’t want to make the wrong choice or one I’ll regret later. For those who have moved far from family (especially across borders or for a partner), how did you make peace with it? What helped you decide?
TLDR: My husband lives in Canada and I live in the U.S. I love Canada and would be happy living there, but my entire family (especially my mom) is here in the States. He’s offered to move here for me, but neither of us really want to stay in this state long-term. I’m torn between moving for the life I love with him or staying close to my family. I’m anxious about leaving my mom but unhappy where I am. I need advice from people who’ve had to choose between love and family distance.