I (18F) had my 18th birthday party recently, and it ended up being one of the worst nights of my life. I invited about 30 people, but only 10 showed up. I was disappointed, but I tried to stay positive and enjoy the night. For context, some of my closest friends are Jack (18M) who I’ve known for 3 years and been best friends with for the past year and my childhood best friends Emily (17F) and Alice (17F). The others were either friends of friends or people I didn’t know very well, like Jack’s cousin Sean (17M) and his friend Owen (18M). The night started fine. We played beer pong and things felt fun for a while. But then a few of them disappeared into the bathroom for a long time. My mom mentioned it to me, so I went to check, but they ignored me when I told them to come out. A bit later, Owen told me my mam had gone mental on Sean and then Sean started loudly complaining about my mam, saying she had no right to yell at him even though he was messing up my bathroom and house. My mom is a calm person and only gets upset if someone’s done something out of line, so that already made me uncomfortable and embarrassed. Then things got worse. Emily got extremely drunk like, couldn’t stand and was screaming nonsense. She’d promised me beforehand that she wouldn’t get wasted at my party because I’d told her how anxious I was about it (especially since my dad recently had a heart attack and I didn’t want any drama). But Jack and Sean had brought a litre of vodka and a backpack full of beer, and clearly didn’t care how things might turn out. By that point I was just trying to manage the chaos — making sure Emily didn’t get sick, trying to calm everyone down, and feeling mortified in front of my other friends who were sitting quietly watching the disaster unfold. The party was supposed to go until 11:30, but I ended it by 9 because I couldn’t take it anymore. Sean was calling my mom swear words, Emily was on the floor, and Jack and Alice were acting like they were helping but had been part of the problem. The only people who behaved respectfully were my other friends — Eliza (17F), Maggie (18F), Ellen (17F), Karen (18F), and Laura (18F). They were kind and polite, and honestly, I feel awful that they had to witness my so-called “best friends” acting like that. My mam ended up driving Jack, Sean, Emily, and Alice home. I just sat there afterward feeling humiliated and disappointed. They’ve all texted me since — Jack, Emily, and Alice — but I haven’t opened their messages. I have to see Jack and Emily at school on Monday, and I have no idea how to face them.
I feel like they completely disrespected me, my house, and my family, and I’m not sure if I can forgive that easily. At the same time, I don’t know if ignoring them forever is realistic since we’re in the same classes. I don’t want to lose them as friends but I’m so upset. How should I handle this? I don’t want to pretend everything’s fine when I’m still so hurt and embarrassed.
TL;DR: I (18F) threw an 18th birthday party that only 10 people came to. My best friends (18M, 17F, 17F) and a few others got drunk, disrespected my mom, and completely ruined the night. One friend’s cousin called my mam swear words, and another got so drunk she couldn’t stand even though she’d promised she wouldn’t. I had to end the party early, and now I feel humiliated and upset. They’ve texted me since, but I haven’t responded, and I don’t know how to face them or whether to forgive them.