I’m (F30) in the midst of a horrible situation. I’ve been with my partner (M30) for about 7 years now (married for a few months), and we’ve been working for 4 years, full time. We make 240+ on our combined income (roughly the same income), and have finished paying for liabilities.
He…. is a spendthrift. We never combined our accounts or expenses while we finished paying for our education, and never felt the need to combine our accounts. I knew that he was spending a lot (on tech, clothes etc) but I never knew how much. He also kept investing into crypto – even though I repeatedly highlighted the risks of this.
Long story short, we’re both 30 and he has savings of about 5000, whereas mine is substantially larger. I almost feel deceived as I genuinely thought he knew what he was doing with the crypto investments, but he definitely lost money there. He also never cared about actually building on savings, and his credit card bills are huge every month. Before anyone asks, there’s no infidelity or porn addiction. It’s just blatantly stupid spends which add up – a ton of Uber Eats, subscriptions, shopping etc. I’ve seen his credit card transactions.
He still gets defensive when I question him about finances. He’s a great guy in a lot of ways, but this’s something I can’t get past. I feel like I’ll never get anywhere in terms of owning property, having a child, pet etc given his horrible track record with money. I’ve been planning on salary sacrificing, moving to a cheaper rental etc whereas he’s perfectly happy to not move ahead with our lives. The reality of his situation is something he refuses to acknowledge.
I’m not sure what to do. I just don’t get how someone can be emotionally available, supportive and have this one major red flag that’s so in odds with their personality. I guess I’m looking for anyone who’s been through something similar, and if you were able to get past it?