Hey everyone, I’ve been following this subreddit for a while, and I finally gathered the courage to share a small part of my personal life here.
I’m 24M, currently a master’s student, and recently met a 25F at work. We started talking and, as we got to know each other better, we both realized that we’re very similar, share the same values, and get along really well. Everything seemed to be going great.
Just for context, I’m the type of guy who, once I start talking to a girl, I don’t talk to others in parallel. I’ve never been able to do that…I guess I’m a bit old-school in that sense. Even though it might be early, I feel like I’ve reached a point in life where I know what I want: a relationship built on respect, communication, and emotional vulnerability. My last two relationships taught me a lot: in the first, I was cheated on and in the second, I learned that if two people have very different life visions, it simply won’t work long-term.
Back to this story, I met this girl, we started going out, and we really enjoyed each other’s company. At one point, I got the courage to ask if I could hold her hand and she agreed. Over time, our conversations became more personal and deeper.
About a month and a half after meeting, she invited me to a public event as her +1. We had a great time there, laughed, danced, and felt very connected. That night, after the event, I asked if I could kiss her and she said yes and kissed me back. Later, before she went home, I gave her a flower and a handwritten note where I thanked her for coming into my life and told her how much I appreciated meeting her.
Now here’s where things got complicated. I had told her earlier that I mentioned her to my friends (who are also my coworkers). Big mistake, I know and I take full responsibility for it. One of them couldn’t keep it to himself and told the rest of the team.
When I found out the rest know, I told her right away, because I thought it was the right thing to do that she deserved to know. She knew about my friends knowing but later the rest found out as well from one of them. She told me it bothered her. I apologized and said we should talk about it properly face-to-face.
We didn’t talk for a day, and then I messaged her, saying that if she needed space, I’d respect that and that we could talk when we were both calmer. Two days later, she asked to meet up.
During that talk, she said she wasn’t sure what decision to make about “us” that there was technically nothing between us, that I had made a mistake by telling my coworkers, and that she’s afraid I wouldn’t be able to stand up for her in front of strangers or friends if needed.
I told her that I tolerate more from my friends but not from strangers and that I would stand up for her if someone disrespected her. I don’t think that she believed me, but that’s my truth.
I listened carefully to everything she said, tried to put myself in her shoes, validated her feelings, admitted my mistake, and told her to do whatever feels right for her, to make a decision that aligns with her heart and conscience, not out of guilt or fear of hurting me. I told her that in life, we also have to think of our own well-being when making decisions not only make decisions that do not represent us just because we fear hurting the others.
All this while I was seconds away from breaking down in tears, but I held it together because I didn’t want to influence her emotions. It was the hardest conversation I’ve ever had. When it ended, she told me again that it wasn’t her intention to hurt me, that she’s confused, and that she needs time.
I told her I’d give her as much space as she needs and that when she’s ready and has made a decision, she can reach out to me.
That night, after I drove away, I broke down crying in the car. I haven’t been in a good mental state since then. Do you guys have any advice for a heartbroken camarade?
TL;DR:
Met a girl from work, we got along great, held hands, kissed, and things seemed to be going really well. I told my close friends about her, and one of them told others at work — she got upset, said she needs space and isn’t sure about “us.” I apologized and gave her space, but now I’m heartbroken and don’t know what to do.