My boyfriend (m26) and I (f21) have been together for a year and a half but we have been in each others lives for about 2 and a half years. Throughout our relationship he has not been the best at planning dates or giving gifts, two things that are very important to me.
He is great and amazing in other ways but I am seeing 0 effort put in towards what I’m asking for.
We have discussed this multiple times, any of the important anniversaries, holidays etc I’m always giving more thoughtful gifts and planning dates, I often pay for most of our dates as well. We almost broke up over the summer due to him not planning anything for my birthday
Before I get accused of being materialistic I have verbally affirmed that free or low cost dates / gifts mean just as much if not more to me, it’s really about the thought and effort.
He recently dropped the ball on him planning dates for us again, big time, he promised he’d plan a trip for us during days we both requested off, he didn’t do any planning and now it’s too late to do anything during those days. we discussed this, I think that I am considering breaking up, I love him so much but I can’t keep having the same conversations with no change, i feel very undervalued. He affirms me verbally very very well but there is no action after that.
His newest point was that he feels as if he cannot plan anything for us because lately I often decline/refuse going out to eat due to my ongoing battle with an eating disorder.
I personally feel like this is incredibly insensitive and purposeful in trying to place blame on me. I have given many detailed examples of dates he could take me on, coffee shops I want to try, record stores, parks, seasonal festivals, eating out is not the only option for taking your girlfriend out on a date in my opinion, and he knows that because I often plan and pay for us to do similar things as I just listed.
I want to revisit this conversation but I’m considering ending our relationship (which I really do not want to do) I just feel like I’ve tried everything to get a little effort but it doesn’t seem to work.
Is he valid in this or do I need to do some more soul searching here and get my shit figured out before dating anyone.
TLDR; my boyfriend refuses to plan any dates ever but when we recently discussed he said he won’t plan anything because I will decline going on dinner dates due to my eating disorder.