So after around eight years of living in Japan, I started to consider the possibility of moving back home. This isn't the first time I've felt this way, but it does feel like the first time I felt this way in a healthy state of mind. I really like Japan, and I think that living here has given me a lot of opportunities to learn more about myself, to grow, and to find out what I think is really important. But I'm 31 years old now, and I'll be 32 next year. I've started to think a lot more about my future and about protecting my future, both from a financial standpoint and from an emotional one.
The reality of my life here in Japan is that I don't have nearly as much support as I do back home. I have a few close friends and I love them to bits, and I know they would be there and have my back. But I'm not really taking steps or actions to build more of those connections here, and I don't feel like I want to. I think at the core of that feeling, I kind of knew deep down that it's because I don't feel like this is where I want to settle down.
In any case, I'm here now, and I'm thinking about what my path might look like going forward. When I first moved here, I really had only moved here because I wanted to improve my Japanese ability. It was a really big goal of mine during my university years, and I was able to accomplish that and pass the test I was aiming for.
I was really happy back then, but I don't feel like I remember that same level of elation amidst any of my other accomplishments living here in Japan. It was more of a sort of “oh, I kind of want to try this now, so I'll try this for a bit.”
For me, that was working as an engineer. Since I moved to Japan right after graduation and I hated programming at the time, I didn't really feel like I wanted to do that as a career. So I picked the alternative path that I was really passionate about, which was getting better at Japanese. I learned that living in Japan is really comfortable and that everybody's super nice and warm, especially out in the boonies. I also learned about a life that is far apart from the life I knew back in the US.
But once I had reached my original goal, I think I never really reflected on my aspirations beyond it. I kind of just went with the flow. I wanted to know what it would be like working in Japan as an engineer, so I decided to career pivot from teaching into that.
The first company I worked at as a SWE didn't really treat me that well, but I was happy that the opportunity got my foot in the door. After that, the next company I worked at treated me really well and I loved my team, but the company ran out of money and my team was dismantled in the end. I decided to make another (third) move to the current company I'm at, which is definitely more hectic and busier than both of my previous roles. I have more responsibility, but I'm also paid better for it.
I just don't think I can find the sort of elation or satisfaction I'm looking for in life through just this work. At the same time, I also don't really feel like I have any other aspirations in Japan that require me to be here to achieve them.
I did a lot of back-and-forth talking with my older brother, who I also love to bits. (He's always there to hear me out and give advice). Originally, my next goal was going to be to buy a house over here, but recently, talking to him helped me to realize I might have set this goal for myself *just-because*. Instead, I've been thinking more-so lately that I want to chase fewer things and more feelings.
I don't think buying a house, which is certainly very impressive and something I would love, would fulfill the sort of need for that elation that I’ve been seeking all this time. So I started to look even further beyond: my retirement, the years leading up to it, my parents who are still alive, and my career ahead of me. I just feel like maybe it might be time for me to look for a job back in the States and move back.
I do have dreams and goals here that I want to meet, but I feel like if I want to reach the sort of grander aspirations in life I've set for myself, or at least have a chance at reaching them, I need to go back. I feel like if I don't, and I don't take my shot at reaching them, maybe I'd regret it. I can go into more detail, but I don't think it really matters. I don't know. Can somebody vet my thought process here?
FWIW, leaving Japan now wouldn't necessarily be leaving forever. I'll be obtaining permanent residency soon, and as long as I come back every five years, I can renew it. So the door will always be open for me to come back if things don't work out.
Does any of this sound reasonable, or am I just overthinking things?