I (32F) got involved with a somewhat older and very successful man (43M) who works in the same industry as me. He’s well known and respected, which made the connection feel exciting and validating at first. I met him at a professional event and asked for advice about my career. He was friendly and generous, said we should grab coffee, and asked for my number so his assistant could set it up. At that time, my ask was strictly professional. I didn't have any romantic or physical attraction to him.
Over the next month, he kept rescheduling our Zoom calls, then started texting me directly. At first, the messages were light and friendly. Then it became every day, small check-ins. Like asking about my day. How my workout was. How my evening was going. Was I looking forward to my next gig in NYC. It all seemed very innocent on the surface, but I felt there was more going on. However, I didn't want to assume.
When I came back to NYC for work, he insisted we have dinner. It was storming that night, so he invited me to his place to order in. I was nervous but agreed. The night started off light, but there was tension building between us. He’d touch my leg when making a point or hold eye contact a little too long. I finally asked if there was something happening between us, and he acted confused. He said he was just a friendly person, and it was common for him to "touch" his friends. I remember feeling embarrassed and said maybe I should just go. That’s when he suddenly asked if I wanted to have sex with him. I hesitated and said “maybe.” He asked again, and when I said “yes,” he kissed me. Things escalated quickly. He became very passionate, almost like he had been holding back for weeks. It felt intense and disorienting.
After that, we started seeing each other, and it got confusing fast. He introduced a “Daddy/baby” dynamic that I didn’t ask for but went along with. He could be warm and affectionate, then distant or cruel. He would encourage me in my career and offer really great advice. He'd check-in on me, congratulate me, express how proud he was of me. How beautiful he thought I was and how intelligent I was. But he also yelled at me, accused me of “victimizing” myself when I cried, and made degrading jokes about things we had done. He also crossed physical boundaries in ways that scared me, like grabbing my face when I spoke during an argument. He told me I made him act the way he did. That I was pulling it out of him, making him act "not like himself", and that his ego was too big to deal with me. It was emotionally exhausting and ruined some of my confidence.
I finally blocked him a few weeks ago after he told me he was “done with me” during an argument, then started texting me again like nothing happened. Going no contact has helped a bit, but I still feel hooked emotionally and physically. Everyone else sees him as this brilliant, admired person, and I feel like I met someone completely different.
Has anyone else dealt with something like this? Especially when the person had power or influence? How do I let go and stop questioning myself?
TL;DR: Got involved with an accomplished man in my industry who started as a “mentor” and turned controlling. I went no contact, but I’m still struggling to let go and believe my own experience.