I (30f) have been dating a single father (36m) of an 11 year old boy. We’ve been dating for a few months and are currently trying long distance. I’m flying over to his place on Halloween day, and he gently told me that I might have to wait for him to finish trick or treating with his son and son’s mother, who he’s been separated with for about 3 years. He told me that they do that since his kid doesn’t have other family nearby, but he won’t go if his kid’s mother ends up having a play date with her friend’s kids.
While the mature side of me totally understands, I do feel a little uncomfortable of his closeness to her. And I can’t help but think that I’m in over my head with dating someone with a kid. I do really like him, though. He’s everything I look for in someone and makes me feel secure otherwise.
I’ve never been in this situation and don’t have kids of my own, so I want to ask, is this normal behavior?
8 comments
The weirdest thing to me is a 3 year separation but I imagine he’s already given you a good reason for that. Next weirdest is their kid needing 2 chaperones for Trick or Treating. I have an 11 and 13 year old. I’m dropping them off at their friends house and then I’m gonna forget they exist for a few hours.
If they had an amicable separation and both feel like the kid needs two parents watching him while he trick or treats, then them doing it together is the least weird part of all this.
Honestly I’d worry less about that and more about trust. If you can’t trust him around her for a few hours then you might as well bail now. Especially if you’re in a long distance relationship.
If anyone ever sees me at Halloween with my ex, please know I wished he wasn’t there.
Is he separated, or divorced? Don’t date men who aren’t fully, legally divorced from their ex-spouses.
Trick or treating together seems super sweet to me. I’d rather date a man who prioritizes his kid and their happiness and security instead of hating on the ex.
That said…. separated for three years or divorced???? I’ve dated men who said divorced and turned out not to be so that is the part that id be looking into more.
My 2 cents as someone in a similar situation that he is (divorced for 3 years, 50/50 split, amicable separation) – my child enjoys spending time with both mum and dad together and often asks for it. My ex and I separated amicably, there’s never been any drama and we support each other where we can like you’d do with friends (there’s nothing weird there though, no lines crossed, etc. just 2 mature adults raising a child together). We try to occasionally do things the 3 of us – birthdays, Christmas dinner (not on Christmas Day), Halloween, random days etc. from my perspective it’s healthy for the child knowing that, although the parents are no longer together, they maintain a good relationship and the child is the priority.
I’m not in a relationship atm, but my ex boyfriend had no issues with the dynamic (he didn’t have any children either) and I don’t think I could be with someone who didn’t agree with it
My question is why did he invite you on that day when he is busy?
You are too young to date single father.
I may be downvoted.
You can easily get other single guy.
Don’t make your life complicated by doing complicated choices.
The main question is not if this is normal. The real question is what are you comfortable with. Do you wanna date a guy that comes with an ex? For many in their early 30s who don’t have their own kids that would be way too much package.
Certainly good idea to very least map how involved the ex is. Is it only halloween? What about other holidays, like Christmas? Do they go for vacations together?