So I’m (23M) a 2nd year dental student currently in Egypt. I don’t know anyone in the country and never considered having a relationship here because I’m from Canada and it just seems very complicated.
Suddenly, a week into this school year, I found out that a woman (24F) from my high school in canada just enrolled in the same school as me as a dental student. We’re both Iraqi, both canadian citizens, both on the same exact path to the dot. She’s gorgeous, always thought so since high school, which was 5 years ago now but we never reached out to each other since, only followed each other on instagram. We even barely talked maybe once or twice in high school, I was closer with her younger brother who was a year younger than me.
Since finding out, I immediately reach out to her on instagram and we connected instantly. This was a little over 2 weeks ago. We’ve hung out together pretty much daily, going to get food, study at cafes, shopping, and much more. At this age and point of ours lives, we both have a very traditional way of thinking when it comes to marriage and engagement, which I love.
At some point early on, she had told me about her past experiences with exes and how they treated her, and for some odd reason that I can’t really explain, I fabricated this lie that I had dated someone named Hannah for 3 years and that we broke up early this summer. She didn’t think much of it and never brought up since but last night out shopping at the mall, she was telling me about her brother and how bad his relationship is, and after she was done, I brought up the fact that this fake ex of mine called me and wanted to check up on me. I made up how the conversation went and everything and then she proceeded to ask me for pictures and what she looked like. I immediately shut it down and said I had deleted any pictures with her and that I was gonna block this fake ex on instagram so that she wouldn’t go looking for how she looks like.
She immediately swore that she wouldn’t do that and that I shouldn’t block my “ex” as that might hurt her feelings.
I felt guilty about before but adding more to the lie tonight has me not being able to sleep. She’s a wonderful, gorgeous, mature, and intelligent women. I want to build a life with her. Since meeting her two weeks ago, she’s changed my life. I feel an urge to constantly study, workout, and be as healthy as I can, I aspire to be the best version of myself that I can be for her. however, this lie is eating me up. Yes I am afraid of her questioning me out of the blue, who wouldn’t? but the guilt I feel isn’t actually fear of being exposed, its the fact that if I wanna build a life with her, I have to be truthful with her from the get-go. At the same time, I am terrified of the fact that she would look at me differently and maybe think that I would lie to her in the future, which is fair of her to think.
She technically has no real way of finding out, Hannah doesn’t exist. I could just move on and then proceed to never ever bring it up again, but this guilt and fear are eating me up. What if she brings her up again, does my subconscious continue the lie in the moment or do I tell her the truth?
I don’t know what to do. I want to tell her the next time I see her in person but I am terrified of she’ll perceive me after.
Summary: I met a women at my university a few weeks ago and we’ve been very close since, but I lied to her about having an ex that doesn’t exist and it’s eating me up inside.