So me and my gf have a decent relationship it’s casual we argue but we’re mainly always laughing we like to have us time and do stuff we make it a habit of giving a person a day to try new things they’d like to do and we determine whether or not it’s fun or not we’ve found a lot we like but also a lot we don’t.
Recently she went to her friends house a really close friend I don’t think anything of it because their really close friends but that’s when it happened I got sent a purple snap which isn’t unusual but it’s of her friend eating her out which scares me but I text asking her why she’d cheat she doesn’t answer I js get more uneasy photos of my gf doing stuff with her friend.
She calls later that night to talk and tells me they’ve been doing stuff like that for a long time since before me and her got together she didn’t wanna tell me cause she thought I’d make fun of her and her friend but I support that stuff and don’t mind it I just wish I would’ve been told instead of being cheated on I know there’s something where you date multiple people with consent from both but idk what to do and I need help 🙏.
Idk what category this fits under.
28 comments
that’s rough. She didn’t cheat because of who it was, she cheated because she hid it from you. If she wanted that kind of setup, she should’ve talked about it first. You deserve honesty, not surprises on Snap.
honestly this one is indeed a bit of a pickle. and you had to find out on snap, that can’t be nice. still if it’s something you support or would be willing to explore them have an honest talk with her to setup meaningful boundaries etc. that’s the best advice I can give
I’m active polyamorous and have multiple partners I see.
The only way any kind of non monogamy works ethically is with INFORMED CONSENT.
Otherwise, thats just cheating yo
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What is her intent here? Is she trying to get you into a poly relationship? A threesome?
Whatever her intent, it was completely wrong for her to do it this way. The way she did it is certainly cheating.
If it is not a serious relationship but more of a FWB relationship, talk to her about it. But don’t let yourself be dragged into something that you’re not comfortable with or will later regret. Good luck.
This is one of those situations where boundaries need to be talked about and set. Either she stops to respect you, or you break up since I assume you are not okay with it.
Frankly, if it were me, I’d break up because you found out via snap and she hid this from you… like wtf? Also I’m not a poly type of guy like at all. It’s for some, but far from ok to me.
Seeing that via snap frankly… would f me up like real bad. So I feel for you there. You are younger and still learning life and probably what you want in life and a partner. Take this as a learning experience
That’s a pretty rude way to tell you she’s cheating, and a rude way to ask you to join. Your GF is incredibly rude.
What the fuck? Are you guys stupid why are you excusing this behavior? That’s fucking ridiculous man seems like she tried to break you or hurt you by sending those snaps. And her blatant confession too. Stay far away from her bro she’s bad for you. Don’t normalize this behavior
This is cheating. You can take it like the worst thing ever, or like a way to make a new relationship. Polyamory is a lot of work, and it requires a lot of honesty. There’s the side of each of you have to be brave enough to be honest, and then each of you also has to make conversation about tough things safe enough for honesty.
Sending snaps, She probably wanted you to be turned on and excited, but there’s a small chance she wanted to shame and hurt you. You’d have to decide from your perspective.
There’s a lot of relationship advice in the poly community, a lot of it is even good. Signing up for polyamory is basically signing up for a special interest level of research and personal development, or for painfully running into ways of hurting you could never have imagined beforehand (sometimes both).
Sounds like the action itself wasn’t the hurtful thing, but the lack of honesty and realistically hurtful way of communicating. This suggests to me that you could be a fit for polyamory. Whether you’d want to do that with her or not is a different question. In non-monogamy spaces the general consensus is that this isn’t a healthy way to open a relationship, and can often be part of an abuse progression. It can sometimes happen that people make it work.
Either way, you can try moving forward and then break up later if it’s not working, or break up now and look elsewhere. You are both young and have time to try shit out.
First of all, she cheated on you, period.
Secondly, they had a twisted and cruel way of telling you. It’s almost like rubbing it in.
What you do with that information is your choice. I would be out the door, but of course you can choose to talk it over and give it a second chance.
Still, when people show what they are, I urge you to pay attention.
So nothing wrong with having multiple partners, provided everybody involved consented to that kind of arrangement. Sounds like you didn’t, even though you would have been open to it, which means a breach of trust.
And finding out via snap seems just a *little*… cruel?
Regardless of how you feel about your girlfriend having a sidechick, it’s the cheating and rubbing it in your face after you asked her why she was literally sending you snaps of her cheating.
That’s just bad from a trust and relationship point of view and needs discussed as simply that– Are we or are we not in an exclusive relationship here? Why would you think hooking up with someone else, much less sending me shit that was clearly making me uncomfortable, be a rational thing to do? Where do we go from here and what rules do we need to set (if we decide to continue this relationship at all)?
Bro getting very clearly green lit for a 3way at 19 years old.
But I though we just passed a “no pipe/ no gripe resolution at the last man conference in the fidelity in relationships workshop whereby in order to encourage more hot girl on girl action, cheating could not be assessed with no penis in the room. If there is no dick, the charges can’t stick. Just two girls baking cookies if the room has only nookies.
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Yeah OP this is cheating plain and simple. What a terrible thing to try to justify it “because they did it before and you’d make fun of her”. Shows a serious callousness towards your feelings.
And to even snap about it… Oof.
Double check if there’s a threesome in this for you. After that gtfo the relationship.
Maybe she wanted you to join in?
Ask to join next time! Enjoy life! You are young
Sounds like she’s not your girlfriend
My guess is, she did not think that you would find these images disturbing (and probably hoped they would turn you on). She also probably hoped you wouldn’t consider it cheating. Admittedly, she did not choose the best way to share this part of herself with you. She should have talked to you about it first, getting your feelings on the subject, and finding out what you would be open to. Talk to her find out what she hoped to accomplish by doing this, fund out why she didn’t talk to you about it beforehand, *then* decide if it’s something you can, or are willing to, forgive her, and move on from.
Honestly, if it were me, and her intentions were to share herself with me, and enhance our relationship, I wouldn’t even be mad, except maybe being a little hurt that she didn’t feel like she could talk to me about it first.
If she truly was just flaunting this in your face, and knows you’d consider it cheating, maybe she wants you to break up with her. If this is the case, you should oblige her.
Maybe she thought it was okay because of how you randomly add women online to talk sexually with. You clearly want to be inside other women, and now so does your gf.
She cheated!! leave her while you still have time
I’d say this is tricky because of the fact she’s doing this the whole time. It kinda makes you wonder if she’d be comfortable doing other people without you knowing.
Edit: Nevermind, I see it now. She went to her friend’s house, so you were presumably somewhere else.
Wait, where were you, and where was she? Were you both at her friend’s house when she was sending you these pics?
I don’t think I’d care at all in a situation like that. I’ve told my wife that another woman doesn’t count, it’s fine if she ever wants to. Another woman doesn’t feel like direct competition, so it’s whatever.
She’s kind of shitty and you can probably do better, but see if you can finagle a threesome out of it before ya walk out the door. If you’re into it
I’m going to be the devils advocate here, while I acknowledge this is a rough af moment for you. Threesomes are one of the greatest things in life and if it works out for you to do this pursue it. It could work out Peaches and cream or it could also blow up in your face like it maybe already has. All the power to you in your decision making
He’s the thing: can you chalk it up to her just being nervous and awkward about it, or do you really feel betrayed? Was she trying to get you involved in a 3-some or poly situation, and would you be interested? These are question only you and she can answer.