I’m in my early thirties & tbh don’t have many close friends. I went to a friends wedding & know her family somewhat well but didn’t know anybody else. I’m generally pretty good at getting out of my comfort zone and talking to people. When i met up with her cousins i somewhat know who I haven’t seen in a while, they didn’t seem interested in catching up or talking at all. I kept leading the convo and felt like after nobody had much to say to me or ask me how im doing.
I talked to the cousins spouses too and they also didn’t talk much despite sitting right next to me on one occasion and I started a convo. Once I stopped talking, the others didn’t talk and it was awkwardly silent for a while.
The family members who came were just sticking to each other and I felt out of place. Some friends were talking to each other and I started a convo with many of them. It seemed like a few did talk for a bit but went elsewhere with people they seemed to know or come with. I ended up sitting with grandmothers who talked to me a little bit.
I left the event with an empty feeling. I was watching everybody seem like they were laughing & hanging out with each other and I was an outsider. I know this group is about us improving our social skills but it stings to be the social one and still feel invisible
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Pretty cool that you went to a friend’s wedding KNOWING that you’d be the odd person out at the table.
In life, it’s (generally) better to **try things and BAIL**, than to not try at all. At least you aren’t at home sulking in the **guilt** of not even honoring your friend’s wedding. You gave it a shot. Put in the effort for someone you care about.
Good for you for leaving once you knew the opportunity to make a new friend had come to an end. You have better things to do with your life. (hopefully it wasn’t an international flight)… xD
Aw, that sounds painful OP 🙁 I’m so sorry you had that experience. But – as another commenter said – I am proud of you for taking time to show up. It takes a lot of courage to do so. I’m also someone who can make easy conversation with most folks; I can’t imagine what it felt like to see no one pick up your prompts.
Did you get to speak with your friend (who was hosting the wedding)?
This is a wedding. It was not about you at all. Get over yourself.
I was in the same position as you, invited to attend without a date. I was sat at a back table with the random guests. I only knew the bride and her family. I chatted with my table mates a bit, greeted the bride’s family, enjoyed the food, and smiled at people but didn’t feel the need to be constantly in conversation – especially because everyone there was closer to each other than they were to me.
I was there to support my friend. She spent a lot of money to ensure her guests had a good time. I made sure to honor that by setting my self-consciousness aside.
Next time you’re in this position, pretend to enjoy yourself even if you’re not conversing. Smile with a glass in your hand and enjoy witnessing the joyful scene.
I know how you feel. I went to a concert in the summer and everybody there knew each other and I didn’t know anyone. I tried to talk to a couple of people. They weren’t interested. I didn’t have the courage to talk to some other people… so the whole thing was very painful and I was depressed afterwards. It really set me back. I felt like I’d making progress up until that point but I felt like it erased it. I still haven’t fully gotten to the point that I was at before it.
I’ve experienced this several times. It’s completely okay if you don’t enjoy anyone else’s wedding but your own. I’m sure the couple was delighted that you were there to celebrate them.
That sucks. I hate going to parties where I know no one. It’s hard mode, especially when it’s the kind of party where people are not there to meet someone new.
I went to my friend’s wedding on saturday… it was a 3 hr drive away and i drove the 3 hrs back….. the groom is one of my old good friends and i know his sister somewhat…. I’m so gladI brought one of my buddies w/ me! as soon as my friend and i got there….. the wedding location itself was cool…. but i didnt know anyone there… i dont really know the bride that well at all…. i felt so awkward…. i just smiled.. and nodded…. i tried talking to the ppl at my table w: my friend, but conversations quickly felt hollow and made me feel even more awkward… i was happy to see my buddy get married! and the food was delicious too…. but i was like to my friend, “so.. we’re gonna do the Irish goodbye as soon as they cut the cake/while ppl are eating cake..” and we did! lol…. the drive back.. i felt so anxious…. overstimulated… im just glad that I was able to be there for my homie, but it was def hard for me to stick it out all the way through …
I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. When I was younger, I assumed that every negative social interaction was my fault. The truth is that most people have a zillion things going through their head and their reactions and responses often have nothing to do with me. I think your expectations might have been a bit high for a wedding where you didn’t know anyone.
My only other thought was that you seem to want people to ask about you. If your goal is a longer conversation, focus more on asking people about themselves.
thats why bringing a plus one is ideal in these situations but its not always possible
Well, it is a story of my life as a person who keeps moving to a new place every couple of years. I don’t have friends, and I don’t know anyone. But I learn to enjoy myself in your situation and just live in the moment. If someone smiles at me, I will initiate small talk and if that becomes hollow, I will just smile and enjoy myself again. Sometimes, the person that sits with me happens to be very talkative, and I enjoy that also.
I’ve been there and I want you to know you’re not alone. It’s incredible the courage you’ve already shown.
What helped me eventually was finally decided that I’d had enough of feeling like this. Unfortunately if you try and get professional help they gaslight you. At least they did with me. It’s like telling a person with a broken leg to walk it off. Makes me angry just thinking about those times.
Anyway eventually I got lucky because my friend works in research and told me about digital therapeutics and how surprisingly effective they are with specific mental health challenges. Finding one that fit my needs was a bit challenging, but once I did I felt so powerful and independent.
Ps. If any of you is looking, best not to google or ChatGPT because you can’t tell what’s safe/ evidence based. I recently found an AI company that aggregates only credible solutions and helps you find one for your specific condition (eg. social anxiety/ burnout/ etc): http://www.athoneycomb.com
I think they’re in their beta phase so you’ve got to bear with the clunky interface. But you do get matched to the best solutions that’ll work for your condition. I hope it helps you!