At the very beginning of relationship 3.5 years ago(we were 18), We used to follow celebrities, influencers, tiktokers(popular and semi popular girls and guys, that we found cool or pretty), it was something we didn't found disrespectful. Liking pictures or following someone online didn’t really have any deeper meaning to us back then. He had a habit of liking peoples posts on explore page(guys and girls, not a pattern). But over time, something changed. I started feeling more uncomfortable with it(mostly with him liking and following tiktok girls that doesn't have many followers), like I didn’t want that kind of energy in our relationship anymore. So I told him how I felt, and he completely understood and stopped. He respected my boundaries and never argued about it. So I stopped following many of them too.And all of that was in the first year of our relationship.
But then, I started seeing videos on TikTok, people saying things like “if your boyfriend likes other girls’ pictures, he’s lusting after them,” or “you’re settling if you stay with someone who does that.” Those ideas got in my head and made me start questioning things I hadn’t questioned before because he never made me feel like that.
One specific situation really stuck with me: This year I was scrolling through profile of the girl from our town whose post he liked, but he didn't even know she's from here because they don't have mutuals. The like was from before I told him it bothered me so he didn't cross any boundary. Photo wasn't inappropriate it was okay. I remembered I once told him to look up her to tell me if he knows her and he is bad at remembering faces, so he told me he probably liked it by accident while scrolling through her profile back than or he saw post on explore page and liked it while he was doing that bc it was a cool pic not knowing she is local and said he doesn't wanna make up the story bc he doesn't really remember, it was long time ago but he still apologised even tho he didn't do anything now. My mind kept spinning about how he maybe liked her and everything, wanted to get her attention even tho I know when he really wants to get somebodies attention or like something on purpose he likes a few posts, not just one…Even tho I was following people too it wasn't something bad.
From that moment I can't let go of the thought what she must be thinking about me for these 2 years of me not knowing, how my boyfriend is stalking her profile and liking her pics even tho he's with me, how I wasn't enough for him so he kept following those tiktokers, even tho it was never anything inappropriate they were just pretty and I was following celebs too…
Thoughts?