For context, my boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months, but have been in each other's life for years.
We finally decided to try out dating, but it seems that there is an argument at least once a week. Our recent arguments have included :

  • He doesn't understand (or is just not open to my reasoning) for why I do local work in the community by volunteering. I help two local non profits, one for homeless and one for those affected by DV. He has the mentality that 'I suffered and got no help, so no one else should receive help for free. You don't know these people and they didn't help you get anywhere in life so you don't owe them anything'. He also alluded to me not being a 'real adult'. With him saying 'The reason you have so much free time to do these things (volunteer) is because you don't have ulterior things to pay for and have the free time to do whatever you want to do, normal adults don't have that luxury unless they're retired or have money.'

  • He was going to a get together with friends and mentioned 'getting fucked up'. I stated that I didn't feel comfortable with him driving if he had more than two (2) drinks, even though he is a bigger guy and has told me that just two drinks doesn't hit him like it would me I don't care. That's the rule I have for myself as well, if I drink which is rare. He tried to justify it by referencing all the safety features on his car that will help him stay on the road and get home. To me, this is showing that he has no care for his safety NOR my input on the matter.

I feel like it's me constantly fighting about stuff that should be easy conversations, but he makes every disagreement I have into an argument. I feel like I am his mom sometimes. I don't want to be a parent. I want to be a partner. I don't know how to talk to him about how he reacts without him shutting down. Instead of talking, he shuts down. I'm exhausted. I want this to work because over the years I have loved the idea of him, but I am starting to think that maybe I put him too high on a pedestal in my mind and we just aren't compatible like we thought. He’s an amazing guy, when we aren’t arguing but aren’t they all?

I can't figure out what the next step is or how to address any of it. Any help is appreciated, please.

TLDR: Dating for 7 months, but we are constantly fighting. He criticizes my volunteering and dismissed my concerns about his drinking and driving. I feel like his mom, not his partner, and am exhausted by his arguments and emotional shutdowns. I’m now wondering if we are compatible and what my next move should be.

Edit : If any information seems to be left out, ask and I will answer to provide more context.

Edit 2 : We haven’t been fighting for the entire time, but it has been in the recent 2-3 months, which is still more than anyone would want.


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