I (f23) was extremely sheltered and homeschooled my entire life until the age of 18 (I’m an only child as well). I’ve always been an extrovert since childhood, but I didn’t get nearly any social exposure until I was an adult. I feel like I lack a general sense of direction when it comes to social interaction; I didn’t grow up watching other people act naturally, so I don’t really know how to perform the minute social cues—such as body language or little comments in a conversation. And from what I’ve noticed, THOSE are the things that make you feel normal to others.
I consider myself to be spontaneous, funny, and generally likeable. Most of the time, I have no problem making connections. But I often get too much in my head and end up sabotaging a conversation and being awkward (I can tell when someone changes their demeanor towards me). I don’t know exactly what I do ‘wrong’, but I can sense the change almost immediately.
I just want to feel like I’m normal just like other people. I feel like there’s unspoken rules that everyone follows and I have no idea of what these rules even are, but they make or break a potential friendship.
I can’t help but feel insecure about being spontaneous and cracking a joke (my parents made me hide that part of me and I’m working on breaking out of my shell). But at the same time, I feel like a failure when I can’t be included in a group of people or a conversation just because I said/did something awkwardly.
I don’t even know what to ask bc I don’t know what the issue is exactly, I just wanna hear other’s opinions because I’ve never spoken to someone about this.