This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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If you hit it off with someone at a singles event, do you stick with them the rest of the time?
If not, how do you end a conversation that’s going well without it being awkward?
I feel like if I go talk to someone else, the person will think I’m uninterested.
I have a coffee date on Saturday. Truthfully I don’t think we’ll hit it off, but they’re the only person that’s actually, like, *conversed* with me on Hinge chat so we’re rolling with it.
I’m gonna do it! I started chatting with this guy on Bumble, and I was really hesitant because he has older kids and I have a much younger kid (in my profile and he asked age). I posted on here for advice, and I’ve been going with it. At first I was going to back out, but he has really been moving the conversation forward, and he’s read my profile! He’s really attractive and checks all the other boxes so far. He asked if I wanted to have a call and we’re on for Sunday, but I’m wondering if I should just suggest meeting up for coffee? Is one better than the other? I’m your average awkward scientist (he’s in IT), and I’m probably better in person. This is my first time meeting someone using the dating apps since 2012, so send advice. Thank you!
I feel like I have so much “work” I need to do to become “dateable” again after my breakup and it is so overwhelming. My self-confidence is in the basement and I’m still in so much pain, almost 7 weeks in. I feel like I love myself even less than my ex does.
34/M, in the healthiest relationship of my life, which is sitting at about 1.5 years in length currently. We’ve moved in together in her house that she owns in the suburbs, and it’s honestly been a wonderful new chapter whilst a lot of the world is in chaos. I’m trying to count the little wins where I can. I’m a WFH graphic designer, and my girlfriend was a senior therapist, but she’s now on a CBT therapy course, where she’ll be qualified in a year.
To nobody’s surprise, I had a formal ADHD diagnosis in July. 3+ decades of internal chaos bleeding into external chaos (relationships, jobs, finances, physical health, you name it) now ‘make sense’, and I’m living the ‘part 2’ of my life after the big plot twist and all the foreshadowing before it. I’ve mitigated a fair bit and have come a long way, but therapy and medication will be both overdue and welcomed.
Now, my girlfriend’s currently beginning the process with a formal autism diagnosis. She’s very high functioning if so, as she’s 29 and is on the property ladder, has multiple degrees, a good car, is doing well with her career, and has good relationships with her friends and family. But with this, she has her struggles. Intense anxiety in certain public scenarios, paired with IBS (feeding into one another, for a cycle) have made for difficult times for the two of us here and there. She has a lot of black and white thinking, and leans into a *lot* of safety/repetitive behaviours when it comes to music, food, places to visit (restaurants, bars, the cinema etc.) and more.
In a lot of ways, we really compliment each other with this. I can struggle with attention to detail or be forgetful, and she’s very systematic and meticulous. I can have grandiose ideas or suggestions, and she brings me back down to earth a bit. I get impulsive temptations with purchases, and she’s the voice of reasoning. I can selectively be chaos, and she can be calm.
In other ways though, we can ‘clash’, and I feel bad even calling it that. She’s never left her hometown, and despite it being a clean, safe, and quiet suburban area, I feel it comes with potential small town thinking and limitations. She’s travelled a bit, but mostly on family trips as a kid. I’ve lived in a few places throughout the country, and have been pretty well travelled, including most of Europe, the US once, Thailand, and Japan twice. If I won the lottery tomorrow, I would never stop travelling.
I appreciate my brain craves these big dopamine explosions, novelty and adventure – and these things have to be grounded in reality with finances, time off, and logistics. But sometimes I have this fear that me being the one to show her new things/places feels a tad one-sided, and I wish she had more of a curiosity to life and the world. She’s had baby steps showing me little things here and there, and we had a recent trip to Amsterdam. But with Amsterdam she said it felt safe as I’d already been there before and know it fairly well.
I’m respecting and supporting her as she goes through this diagnosis procedure. I really do love her and we’re a great team. Maybe things will improve and change with time, but we’ll see. Whilst she’s doing this course and it’s an intense year ahead, I’ll be finding novelty through other means (hobbies, friends etc.), but I think I do sometimes have a fear of shrinking myself down a bit for this relationship.
Has anyone dated someone who had relationships only with a specific ethnic background that wasn’t their own, and that you don’t belong to? Did you feel like they had preconceived expectations going in with you or was it irrelevant?
Obviously the healthy advice is to ignore it and not make my own assumptions about how he’s going to behave…but I’m also the furthest thing from this guy’s usual type.
I’m 36, male, and now fit and somewhat attractive having lost 200 lbs since 2023, but I find dating or just meeting people near impossible. I am not antisocial or anything. I lead trainings at work and everyone looks up to me. Dating apps really put me in a rough spot because I have been trying them for years without success and I continue to get ghosted in messages all the time and can never seem to get a date. Every single one of my friends or family who is currently in a relationship met through some sort of dating app, but for whatever reason I just can’t seem to be able to get a match and go out on a date with someone. A lot of meetups are during the day and there aren’t really any meetups in the evening that are good. The nightlife also sucks in the San Francisco Bay area from what I’ve seen. So I’m really at a loss here because I really would like to be able to date, but the universe doesn’t seem to want me to.
Halloween bar rebound date tn (if he follows up today to confirm time🤞🏼)
bringing this over from the old thread as it wasn’t up very long
the guy I’m talking to and I text a lot each day. way back when we 1st started talking on hinge even before we moved to phones he kind of set the pace, which I like. however, everywhere I read says that texting like this is relationship suicide and it only creates false attachment. personally, if I can’t see someone that day I do at least like talking to them. he keeps it going, shares info I haven’t asked for on his own (like daily updates, etc), and asks follow up questions.
I would assume after a couple months in if he didn’t like it he would stop the texting right? I don’t want the internet to tell me how to feel, but I also want to be cautious I’m not ruining anything. We have met in person. Besides this week as he is busy moving and some other things we were seeing each other quite frequently for about the last 4-5 weeks. We have plans for Monday currently also.
Mornin’ y’all! May you find someone that is the special type of weird that fits your weirdness.
One week down, likely forever to go.
I have not yet done any witchy shit but he gave me his consent and it’s getting mighty tempting…
Going to visit my family this weekend, should be good for distraction and also crying my eyes out.
I got stood up for the first time ever and although I had serious doubts if it was even worth a date, I still think its a shitty thing to do.
Is this a “trap question”? So I connected with a woman last night on APP and we chatted about how long last relationship was. I said mine was 1 year ago and she said that she hasn’t had a real relationship – maybe high school but she said that might be more friendship?
She then asked me if that scares me and I said no. She asked me how many dates I consider to be intimate and I said maybe 5-6 but it varies and she said it falls naturally. I guess from her answer shes fine with it even though the “if it scares you” question not implying she never been intimate?
Hi. Posting on new anon account. And couldn’t make a thread!
Im (39) with a wonderful woman (38). I love her. We’ve been dating for 6-7 months since April. The beginning was a little tricky, we had difficulties and sometimes thought we were incompatible but talked through them and had 4-5 fun dates before we then had sex for the first time. I just found out that the following month she started dating someone else at the same time, and had sex with them too – she says only once. I know they had 2-3 dates over a weekend, but we had sex the Saturday in between the dates.
We never really discussed exclusivity but I just assumed that 6 weeks in, with physical nature, it was implied. Or at least openness was. She says that she wasn’t really seeing me as long term then cause of the difficulty we were having, and couldn’t have guessed how she feels now. She doesn’t regret it. It apparently ended quite quickly as it started, and then she started getting feelings for me and stopped dating other people – although that could’ve been in month three… She says she never had sex with anyone else or went on a physical date with anyone else apart from this guy.
We text every day, had had 8 dates by that point, and I was staying at her house overnight when we had sex. I have feelings for her but I worry that this has ruined the relationship, and I’ll hold it over her. Right now it sickens me. And I don’t know what I should think – is it cheating? What should I do to process? Should I walk? Advice needed! I feel very bad about this.
Realised i’m not over someone. I really thought I was. I don’t even understand why I think i’ve these feelings for her, we’ve never dated and she has no idea how I feel about her. Perhaps certain feelings just don’t make sense and make ya go a bit mad trying to figure out the why idk
I went on a first date with someone last night. We kept it light and met up for drinks. He was really easy to talk to, and overall I enjoyed our time chatting over a drink. As he walked me to my car, he said he was very interested in meeting up again. I reminded him that I’m not looking to really date, just wanting something super casual/fwb situation, and he seemed on board with it. I also made sure he was aware I’ve been talking to a couple other guys. He mentioned that he had a couple other dates lined up but that he would probably cancel them after meeting me.
He messaged me through the app when he got home and gave me his phone number and let me know he was still interested and wished me a good evening. I texted this morning, and he let me know he canceled a date he had set up with someone else he was talking to and has asked me on another date to a fancy restaurant.
I’m perplexed. On the one hand, I enjoy the company and he seems like a really good guy. On the other, I’m not completely looking to go out on dates, mainly just keep things laid back and casual, and to me a fancy restaurant does not feel laid back or casual.
Any suggestions on how I might navigate this, or am I overthinking dinner?
Had my first big fight with her at 6 months. Spun out of a 5am discussion on a topic that relates to core beliefs I hold.
I had to leave for work so it put us in a weird spot, like I was storming out (not my intent.) She felt like I was discounting her lived experiences, I felt like she was expressing a political view that would be a dealbreaker for me.
We met up the next day and talked it out. We talked about the issue itself, how we both handled the discussion, and how we can mantain our circle of trust.
tl;dr – I didn’t give her enough benefit of the doubt and took the discussion out of the context she intended to discuss it in. She acknowledged that her viewpoint, in my context, was not representative of her actual alignment. We apologized for misunderstandings, and for hurting the other person.
We had sex all night long. We reaffirmed our commitment to one another. I am in love with a woman who is honest and stands up for herself, but is also considerate, introspective, and willing to take a critical look at herself. And forgive me for my faults.
I love her so much.