We dated for one year, The relationship was intensely loving and intimate. He was incredibly nurturing and told me I was his future
He has severe, untreated mental health issues I think he has Complex PTSD from extreme physical childhood abuse and Major Depressive Disorder with a history of suicide attempts..
His illness creates an idealization-devaluation cycle ..He would adore me, then suddenly feel "suffocated" and devalue me, saying he feels like "he can't stand me"..and that happens for no reason exactly, just out of the blue ..and he'd find the smallest reasons to be mad at me
Then He broke up with me suddenly, stating he felt "empty" and "suffocated"..he said he felt nothing towards anything including me He immediately asked to remain "best friends" , which i obviously refused
A few days later, overwhelmed with regret, he begged for another chance, crying and saying he'd "ruined the only right thing" in his life. I did not take him back…
The Current Crisis & My Fear:
· I am paralyzed by the fear that if I give a final "no," .. I'll hurt him badly confirming that he's not deserving of love , bc Every member of his family is messed up..and he says i was the only person who didn't make him feel like a burden
And I'll also lose a big part of me related to him bc we have a lot of mutual friends , it'll create that awkwardness , and i don't wanna lose what we have in that group
He depends on me heavily academically so he'll prolly mess up too
He is currently love-bombing me, saying he can't live without me and that I'm in the "red area" of his heart (a place where he puts ppl he can't unlove no matter what happens ..and he said before putting anyone there he makes sure he doesn't downgrade them)
However, he has also explicitly stated, "I don't think I can change.. I've tried and idk why I can't, I find it so hard to talk abt my feelings " referring to his inability to communicate ..
So
A Part of me wants to believe his love and give him another chance to avoid the pain of a breakup..and to avoid hurting him too
The other part knows his mental illness is untreated and he'll never seek therapy especially in our country and the cycle will repeat, and I am exhausted from the constant drama and fear..
I feel trapped between betraying him by leaving and maybe betraying my hurt self by staying
So my question is ..
Given his mental state is it safer to de-escalate and give a gentle final "no," or can I give him another chance ?..