Hi all, 31F , I met a 23M guy who we were talking about specific study topic but then after 1 month he confess to me that he have feelings and asked me to be his gf,
I told him we are in different stage of life, he is young for me, I don't mean to brag but I look very much younger than my age, I have a baby face and take care of myself very well. I know it's not about the looks but at the end its a really big age difference.
I told him I will think , and he was saying all the right things, how he will make me feel he is the older, he will be responsible, he will do whatever it take to make us work, he is Willing to walk mountains for me, and he ask me to just test him and don't be scared to live the moment and enjoy.
Me on the other hand, I am a logical person and do calculate all my life decisions, I have been unlucky with relationships because I always end up with partners that we have really difficult challenges, different religion, different country, political restrictions, my love life is a series of unfortunate romantic love stories that can be turned into a good movies.
He got a point where maybe I should give him a chance and enjoy the moment, but due to my age I feel that I don't have time for that, I need to be a guy who is ready for settlement and having kids, I want to start a family.
I have a stable job and good engineering degree, he is still studying for his degree, no stable job yet.
Now I don't know if I should go for this or not , I am afraid that maybe this is the one since we have really good communication and we feel like we know each other for ages, but at the same time it's a big risk for me, because maybe he is just young rushing his feelings without thinking, and I really don't have time nor want to be a mother for him in the relationship.
What you think about this and have anyone with this age difference have a good story?
TLDR;
11 comments
Stop it. Most women your age look 24 😂 That’s because there’s not a radical difference between 24 and 31. You people crack me up
Yes, he’s saying all the right things, because he wants you, so he’ll say whatever he thinks will win you over. It’s very easy to make promises, and much harder to carry them through. The only way to know if he’s able to follow through on his words is to wait and see, but you say that you’re concerned about time. Remember that anyone that you may date is going to take time to get to know, and that you shouldn’t make big decisions about somebody for at least a year – don’t let your desire for a family rush you into something, whether it’s with this guy or someone else.
Do you actually like him? If so, give it a chance.
You could roll the dice for a few months and then make an informed decision.
If you think it really may work, a few months is worth the gamble and evaluate what has happened.
Let’s be honest. It’s a long shot with this guy and will take time.
But wait love is a longshot. Over half of marriages end. People date and at 50 are alone.
If you want to use numbers…what’s the numbers that you will ever find someone you will click with like him?
What is your marriage going to be built on. A solid comitment and building a family but settling for that.
There’s no guarantees in life. You may never find what you have with this guy.
Really take a look. Observe him in his actions with others. Is he who he says he is? Does he follow thru with his plans and promises? Not just to those he is pursuing but to family, friends, coworkers, school etc. Or is it just those he pursues until he wins them.
Assuming it’s who he is…then you can know it’s a real option to wait.
Ps your 31. Women used to have kids upto 45 back in the 1800s. So you have like 15 years. Ten if you want multiple kids. Risking a year is not the death sentence if it doesn’t work out.
If the genders were flipped ya’ll would be freaking out
My wife is 12 years older than I am. Our 17 year wedding anniversary is this Saturday.
I was 25 when we got married.
So yes, it can work.
My beloved husband was 9 years younger than me. Our marriage was happy, we built a family, a beautiful house, and enjoyed our life.
Sadly, I lost him 2 years ago, after 43 years together, and I miss him so much.
If the genders were flipped, there would be a f.cking witch hunt for the guy. Everyone would assume he is abusive and wants to manipulate the younger girl and say the inherent power difference is dangerous, different stages of life bla bla bla
Actually, let’s do it, let’s roleplay what OP would get in the comments if he was treated like a man in this scenario:
Dear OP, are you abusive? Do you want to control this young boy and limit his freedom? Why are you not looking for someone in your age range? Something is probably wrong with you for wanting a younger boy with such a huge age gap. You’re probably a manipulative creep, a monster for even thinking about him romantically. This is a horrible idea and I worry for that boy. He is not old enough to be with you, his brain hasn’t even fully developed yet, he can’t make this decision.
End of roleplay.
OP, in all seriousness, I wish you the best, whatever that will be for you here.
You’re always going to be at different stages in life and the fact is he’s going to have to live to your age not the other way around.
Unfortunately things like menopause and aging health conditions are more likely to hit you first.
Granted it’s not sexy or romantic to think about but if he doesn’t want kids in the next 2-3 years and you want multiple that’s gonna be a problem and you’ll resent each other for it.
His frontal lobe hasn’t even developed yet, I’m 29M and I can’t fathom what I’d have in common with a 23F (or M for that matter) in terms of emotional maturity.
for a serious relationship? prob not likely. for a fling? go for it