My boyfriend (“Will” M24) and I (“Penelope” F23) have been dating for six months. Before we started dating we were very close friends for a year. We met through a small party my best friend (“Maggie” F23) hosted and we got along great from the get go.
From the beginning Maggie thought we would be good together, though she didn’t tell me about that until I finally started showing interest in him.
Maggie is dating “Mark” (M24). Mark and Will are very close friends and have been for a long time. I have never known Mark very well because I was in college in another state for the majority of Maggie and Mark’s relationship, but I have always been very supportive because of how happy he makes Maggie.
When I got back from college I started really hanging out with Will. It became clear to me that Will had a crush on me, but I was still not interested and he never pushed it so I don’t pay it much mind. Eventually I started to catch feelings as well.
At that point both Will and I had never dated anyone and were very inexperienced but I was confident Will liked me so I confided in Maggie that I was thinking of asking him out. She was extremely supportive and excited for me. There was about a week between when I would hang out with Will next and I didn’t want to ask him out over call or text so it seemed like I was delaying. At one point Mark got my number from Maggie and messaged me that I shouldn’t chicken out and I just need to do it, so I knew he was supportive as well. Maggie and Mark even told me point blank that Will had liked me for a very long time but was never going to ask me out because he was scared of losing our friendship (something I was scared of too and admittedly if he had asked me out before I came to my own conclusion that I liked him I would have said no.)
Well eventually I ask Will out, he says yes and we are super happy and Maggie and Mark are stoked for us! I am extremely happy with Will and the six months have been like a dream. I love him so much!
The problem. Since we started dating, but more specifically within that last month or so, it feels like Maggie and Mark have become highly critical and even disapproving of our relationship. This is both of ours first relationship so I’m worried that we may be doing something wrong and I value their opinion but it’s starting to become a bit much.
Right when Will and I started dating he got a new job and his schedule is pretty brutal. With my work schedule we are only able to meet on two days after I get off work so our time is limited. Unfortunately we don’t share any days off. This means that we have been spending that time together so we get to see each other as much as possible. We also talk on the phone 2-3 times a day during our lunch breaks and drives from work. I wish I could see him more but this has been working for us.
Though we have been spending all our overlapping time together there have been a few occasions for both of us where we had other plans during that time and have spent it away from each other to do other things.
I have hung out with Mark and Maggie once and I was excited about it because I wanted to finally get to know Mark better. It was all going well and we got along, then Will came over when he got off work and suddenly it felt like Mark didn’t like me a much. I had to leave shortly after Will got there anyway so I didn’t pay it any mind.
Well, Mark and Maggie came over to Will’s place and we all hung out. I once again got a very distinct feeling that Mark didn’t like me and it was really disheartening. It seems like he likes me in the context of Maggie and hanging out together, but when Will is brought in the picture he doesn’t. This is also confusing because he was so excited about us dating to begin with.
I had been thinking about moving in with Will and was making plans with him to do so in a few months. Maggie was very against the idea. She and Mark also had a talk with Will saying they disapproved separate from me. Now Will wants to wait when he was onboard before. (We had been talking about moving in together since before we started dating but put a pause on it since we figured we shouldn’t jump into it now that our relationship status had changed.) I was a bit upset at first but have since accepted it. If he thinks we aren’t ready yet then we aren’t. We both need to be completely on board.
Having said that, they have begun to give some other opinions and it seems like they are all negative against me.
Examples:
Will has told me that Mark is concerned that he is changing himself for me. He is working a lower paying job in order to ensure job security and benefits like retirement and insurance. He finally got his first apartment by himself so we could have our own space since I live with my parents. He no longer does weed because I told him from the get go that was a hard line for me (I don’t mind that people do it, but I it makes me uncomfortable to be around and I have no interest in dating someone who does it.) He is doing budgeting now instead of being loose with his money and he “is less silly” which Will said he meant that Will thinks about his actions a bit more and is a little less spontaneous. Will is a bit upset by this himself because he feels he is finally growing up a bit and making some better life decisions.
On my part, Maggie bought a very bachelor pad like bathroom set as a joke for Will. I don’t like it. Will kept it up for a bit to appease them then replaced it with some more neutral stuff to appease me. I really appreciate it but it made Maggie and Mark upset. Maggie asked me “why can’t you let him keep it.” Which hurt me because he is the one that made the decision to take it down.
Will and I have also had a discussion about posters that he has. I don’t like them but Maggie and Mark convinced him to put them up anyway. He has yet to put them up because he is going to get frames for them but he is still going through with it.
At this point I think I am going to tell Will he should put up joke shower curtain again and encourage him to put up his posters. As much as I don’t like them the longer I think about it the more I realize it doesn’t matter in the end. I care way more about him than some decorations I don’t like. I’m also hoping this will appease Maggie and Mark a little.
I like listening to Reddit stories and I’ve noticed that a lot of them have guys who start dating a girl that the guy friends don’t like and I’m terrified of becoming that girlfriend. I also and scared of becoming too controlling. I have strong opinions on things and I want to voice those to Will because he is my best friend and boyfriend but I also feel like I walk a fine line between voicing my opinions and being controlling or overly negative.
In the end, this is both of ours first relationship. I feel very insecure not in him but in myself and my decisions. The apparent dislike of our relationship from Maggie and Mark is also disheartening. They seem to think we spend too much time together and I think may see us as a bit toxic together? I have asked Will what he thinks but he thinks we are pretty healthy so I don’t know what to think.
Neither Mark or Maggie have explicitly stated they don’t like us dating that is just the vibe that Will and I are getting.
Does anyone have any advice? Things I should take into consideration since it’s our first relationship? Are there key things that we are just missing? What steps should we take to make them more supportive again?
I love Will so much, my biggest fear is losing him and I am worried that this might grow into a bigger issue if we leave it as is.
Sorry for the long rambling post.
I think I should also mention that Will and I have a very open dialogue about this. We are both concerned. We will also be doing a 4 day trip with Mark and Maggie next week so I’m hoping we can get closer and maybe ease some of their concerns then?
TL;DR My boyfriend and I’s friends who were supportive of our relationship at first now seem disapproving of it. What steps should we do to make them supportive again?