This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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discussion question, inspired by a recent thread I saw:
**Do you feel you know why all of your single friends (and/or you) are single?**
I 100% do. It’s not that there’s something “wrong” with them in a quality of value judgement way. But every person I know who has been single for awhile is either very selective, emotionally unavailable, uncompromising, not ready or willing to commit, not actively looking, or somehow idiosyncratic.
Yes, I know some singles who I would consider UNDATABLE but the majority are people who are just not quite ready to be in a long term partnership at this moment.
(Of course, I would never put a value judgement on these things, because I don’t think it’s better to be in a relationship than it is to be single. I think both things are great. And many people I know are single because they prefer being single. In fact, I’d say that’s why most of them are single, even if they don’t realize it. I do know quite a few people who think they want to be in a LTR but they don’t actually want to be a partner).
So back to focusing on my booty workouts. I cant have a crush, dont wanna be distracted and cant handle thinking about someone more than I should. I want to recenter that energy back to by lovely butt.
Exciting times after month of dating we are spending weekend together with my F47 can’t wait. Things are going fantastic so far and can’t wait.
It’s still sinking in slowly that he won’t knock on my door again, I won’t see his shoes in their usual spot, he’ll never squeeze the breath out of me and crack my back with his hugs again.
I miss him so much already and it’s been less than a week. I’m screwed.
Had one date with a guy last week and he wants to see me again this week. He asked me to meet Thursday. Thursdays are my in office days and I’ll be commuting 1.5 hours each way (yes it’s brutal yes I’m job hunting). when I told him that Thursdays are a no go because it’s a long day for me, he responded with “Oh I already see I’m the one prioritizing in this relationship”
What the heck, it’s been one date dude.
I hope everyone is doing well 🙂
After some time off the apps, I feel healed and ready enough to go back to them. Wish me luck !
With all the usual ghosting and lack of serious options there, I know I have to avoid the apps when I am feeling particularly vulnerable. Because I usually end up feeling sad and hopeless.
But I feel good so now’s a good time 🙂
Sooo i matched with a guy on hinge on 10/4. We exchanged numbers and then planned a date for 10/17, but he got sick and text me on 10/15 to reschedule back a week (10/24) since he doesn’t think he’ll be better by the 17th. I texted him get well soon and he said thanks.
Now it’s 10/22 and I haven’t heard back him (we don’t text at all, just in the very beginning for a few days and then once we exchanged numbers, it was only for logistics of the date)… I’m hoping he will confirm the date either today or tomorrow (10/23) but I’m trying to not get my hopes up if I don’t hear back!
The guy I met up with last night has been nothing but consistent, clear, and easy to read since we started talking on Grindr.
I don’t remember the last time I spoke with a guy who says what he means and means what he says, who doesn’t leave me guessing. It’s ridiculous at how bare minimum this is and how refreshing it feels.
It’s a real shame that he’s only looking for sex, but he’s also not been pushy, hasn’t asked for nudes, has been nothing but respectful and has let me lead whilst also showing enthusiasm on his side, or complimented me a couple of times and it’s so nice to have someone tell you they think you’re super cute.
He’s busy for a couple of weeks but we have another date set up. From my perspective, because this is just sex, I don’t feel a need to worry about texting, wondering if I’m good enough, hoping I’m doing enough but not too much, etc.
Worst case scenario and we don’t end up seeing each other again, I’ll be able to handle it because there’s so little genuinely riding on this. It would be very nice to kiss him again tho…
My boyfriend is abroad for 3 weeks. Today marks one week down, two more to go. I’m slowly starting to feel okay with him being so far away. I’ve been keeping busy and doing things I enjoy or that he would probably not want to do with me. It’s kinda like self-care 🙂 it’s tough, but I am getting through it everyday just okay.
How do you show your love to someone with ‘word of affirmation’ as their love language?
I told my boyfriend I miss him and he said that made his night. Is it that easy?
Dating hiatus still, but wanting to swipe just a little, fighting the urge. To be honest, I really don’t have the time for a whole relationship rn, just a low key friendship that maybe turns into more later would be nice. I have a busy schedule and I’m enjoying my peace at the moment.
Unrelated, am I too old for Halloween parties?
I have met one of the most genuine, healthy men I’ve ever come across in dating and it’s absolutely jarring how much self reflection it has prompted. I’m always trying to be a better version of myself in all areas of life but I thought I had a firm grasp on how to navigate dating relationships until now. I have come a long way over the years and am in no way discounting that progress but holy shit I’ve been over looking a lot of things that are issues within myself. It’s still extremely new and I don’t know that it will progress into anything but it feels like the universe sent me something I really needed to shift my perspective and dig deeper.
People who are short, how do you feel about taller people patting you on the head?
I’m trying to gauge if I’m taking it too personally. It’s happened to me in a few different contexts. The most recent was a woman that I was meeting up with for dancing. I brought a date and in front of him she cooed “awe, well isn’t she just so cute?” And patted me on the head. It felt demeaning and like she as trying to belittle my womanhood. I felt incredibly sexy and womanly at the time, and that “compliment” felt pointed.
The guy I was with laughed and said he thought she was just trying to be endearing. Idk. That’s not how it felt to me, but maybe an outsiders perspective has more clarity?
It’s also happened a couple years past when a guy I was meeting up for a date patted me on the head as I sat next to him. I didn’t know him and I had bangs at the time. He shuffled my bangs and patted head saying “well now aren’t you a cutie?” My body immediately retracted and any attraction I had for that man shriveled up and died.
Maybe it’s the combination of the comment and the pat?
Edit:grammar
where do you all go to vent about non dating related stuff? sometimes I have friend/family situations I want to vent about the way people do on these daily threads for dating and idk where to take it
Ladies how do we feel about men who use 😘 early in dating app messaging?
In my experience there are two groups of them.
Group 1 is overtly too sexual too soon, pass.
Group 2 I don’t quite understand yet… They’re respectful, somewhat introverted and overall good vibes, but I find the use of that emoji before we’ve met (or soon after just meeting) weird. That’s weird right??
So I have pretty extreme anxious attachment, and have been seeing someone for about 1.5 months who says they are fearful/disorganized avoidant. We got into some deeper chats about why that is, and the mentioned they value their independence and withdraw to self soothe.
For the past week or, so it’s insane how much my anxiety has spiked because I realized I REALLY like this person and I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. I ended up moving up therapy appointment from tomorrow evening to this afternoon because I’ve felt on the verge of a panic attack for days. Naturally, as soon as I joined the session I started bawling.
This therapy session helped a lot, both to help me realize I have value as a solo person and that past baggage should not inform new relationships. For context, I went through a divorce in the past year and in couples counseling with that person they shared they did a lot of things I valued when we were together because “I thought it’s what you’re supposed to do as a couple” Which has sent me reeling into thinking that when someone compliments me, tells me they’re having a nice time, etc the voice in the back of my head goes “What if that’s not true?”
From here I’m going to give this person I’m seeing now more space, not ask for reassurance, and have fun. But I hate how much my anxiety can just rear its head. I’ll be starting meditation too.
Annoyed with the guy who doesn’t work tomorrow knowing I do work a day job, asked me out for a first date and wants me to drive much closer to his hood on a week night (Long Beach to downtown LA) rather than suggest we meet halfway, or preferably in my area since I work and he has the day off. Yes I could just say: “Why don’t we meet halfway instead” but honestly so far all the other guys who’ve asked out me usually offer to come to me, or suggest a place in the middle without me asking. Judge me if you want, but it feels like a little bit of chivalry is missing, and I’m suspicious he wants to be closer to his place so sex can happen. I think I need to cancel if I’m already annoyed before the date even starts. Am I being unreasonable??
I’m having trouble with trust, and it sucks because I didn’t have that before I started on the dating apps this year. I don’t mean trust as in jealousy either. I was nonmonogamous for quite some time and I’ve done a lot of work around that, so I don’t find myself wondering if they’re seeing anyone else or how they feel about me. But I feel like I am always trying to read between the lines to figure out if they are who they say they are. It’s hard for me to find the balance between healthy skepticism and self-fulfulling prophecies.
Do you all think something like “I’m still just not in a place in my life to date or be sexual, until I get a job and settle in” is a complete enough and inoffensive enough rejection if I get an (anticipated) advance from this girl?
I’ve got a litany of personal reasons I’m not ready to date, but not having a job (I have a career, we just all know how the economy is) is a major one. Right now I’m living a pretty carefree life, not having to wake up early every day, sit in a commute, worry about my inbox and upcoming projects, etc. – and when I get back to work, I’ll probably be a bitter person and want to isolate in my free time. There’s some other big issues in life I need to get fixed too.
My worry is that’s a thing where she might say “well, I could support you through that” and at the end of the day I’m just not ready to date or sleep with nearly anyone. Should I be more direct and stop trying to do the “it’s not you, it’s me” thing?
My health has continued to decline 🙁 I have an auto-immune disorder that is honestly one of the easiest to manage imo but still sometimes there’s these flares and it just sucks. Like of the things I could have, this one is the one I’d pick. I had a partner in the past with a much more difficult to manage auto-immune disorder. I had to call off work today and I’ve been prescribed a new medication to help with the anxiety, so hopefully that helps. (I have well managed anxiety outside of the auto-immune disorder, but the auto-immune disorder flare ups cause anxiety attacks just by their nature, my body is screaming that it’s dying and my brain takes that seriously, which you know, brain just doing what it’s supposed to do.)
I live pretty healthy as is, but I’m going to have to make even further changes if I want to get my situation stabilized. I’m looking at going gluten free, at least for a time. I’m already alcohol free which is a minor challenge in the dating world. Anyone have tips for dealing with dating while GF? I have a date lined up for this weekend and we were planning to go to a sandwich shop as part of it an uhhhh yea that’s not happening.
Had a break up recently. It was really difficult, drawn out, and painful (for both parties). My Ex is “very” actively dating again (ie: sleeping with other people), whcih she felt the need to tell me, and while that’s totally her right, it just hurts to know.
Anyways, to get that off my mind, and to get moving again, I went out on a date last night off hinge. It was fun. She was stunning (like, maybe the most attractive woman I’ve ever been on a date with). She was also fun, and had a crazy impressive job. We ended up back at her place and messed around. It was cool, sex was ok, but idk if I’m gonna see her again at the moment… maybe.
Honestly, I woke up the next morning & felt a bit hollow. Life after love is hard, man. Intimacy just isn’t the same.
I’m hoping time will heal these fresh wounds. Anyways, just needed to vent.
How to stop obsessing about SO’s previous partners?? Can’t stop thinking about it
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Two years ago, I got on the apps for the first time, found someone quite quickly, and it lasted till this summer. Now I’m back into the dating pool and… I matched with the first guy I ever matched with!
I remember him because he’s so very hot and back then we exchanged numbers, made plan to meet, but he ghosted before that. We matched again, and I decided to be very straight forward and tell him. He decided we deserve a do over 🙂 hope we get to meet up this time, because I need to do bad things with him haha
I demand attention. Immediate blue check marks, replies, and at least twice daily chatter.
How do y’all afford to travel so much? Every damn profile is about traveling.
Going on date #3. We’re both mid 30’s (Me 33M, Her 36F) but I honestly don’t have much dating experience. We’ve already kissed multiple times and somewhat committed (I stopped using dating apps and she told she deleted hers). I’m very uncertain on our pacing. She’s been quite physically touchy but I literally don’t know if this is greenlight to be more intimate (the sexy kind).
* What are the general norms for this?
* Is date #3 or #4+ supposed to be homey?
At 32, I still don’t know how to get into a relationship. I feel like I’ve tried everything already to put myself out there: networking events, blind dates through friends, apps, social mixers, speed dating, pickleball, meetups, festivals etc etc. I even moved to another city to see if I can find better prospects. I made new friends but didn’t meet anyone I feel attracted to, so I moved back. I feel like it’s much harder for me since I am looking for people like me that’s also Asian, working professional, and single. My last date was January this year. I’m still putting myself out there and going to events and being open but haven’t gotten back on the apps and now I’m wondering if that’s the only way to meet anyone anymore.
Currently life just feels stale. I’m craving new experiences and feeling the fomo of missing out on life experiences. Especially now that I’m starting to see people post their engagements and weddings on facebook while I still never been in a relationship!
I’m trying to work on other life goals, but buying a house is just not feasible for me in this market and other goals just don’t feel as meaningful. All my friends are also single, in their late 20s to 30s, and it’s like they aren’t motivated to date either. Each time we hang out it’s the same ol, same ol. Complaining about work and being single. The only thing I have going for me right now is my job, which I’m thankful for, but idk, I just feel so bored and wish I was further along in life than this.
The peace I get when my man is interacting with my animals and teasing them (nicely don’t worry) and playing with them is unreal.
The awkward moment when your girlfriend walks in and catches you watching women wrestlers for the wrestling.
[Reminds me of this lol](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXWgHnXWV4c)
Think I just had my most awkward first date. Met a lovely woman at speed dating, we matched, then on our first date she greets me with an awkward side hug, barely asks questions about me, and seems like she doesn’t even want to be there. Oh well. Plenty of fish in the sea.