I’m not saying being lonely is bad, and while I can often empathize with their pain and frustration at companionship, my personal frustration comes from their expectation that because I helped them or supported them, ought to be there consistently. It feels like people encroaching on emotional personal space and then getting upset with me when I’m very clear on my boundaries.
I have had roommates in the past get very upset with me for not “being their friend” despite me making it clear that I loved my quiet personal space at home even before moving in with them. In other instances I have had people call me “intimidating” despite never interacting with me in the first place. Even when friends or partners were breaking up the relationship, they were supposedly hurt at my “lack of reaction”. What is there to react to? They don’t want me in their life anymore, so it’s not like I’m going to argue with them about it? Of course I felt hurt, but it’s not relevant to tell them that so I deal with it personally.
I even have a young coworker who thought we’re “friends” and was upset I clarified our relationship as professional. She was under the impression that my willingness to help her and answer her questions, even the more personal ones, constituted a friendship. I asked her how she’d reciprocated that same help for me to see her as a friend (I don’t believe she has to reciprocate, I just asked to make a point) and she simply said she would have reciprocated if I’d asked. I base friendships on a different value system so her answer didn’t change my stance on our relationship being strictly a professional one.
Anyway, my point is that I feel like I don’t understand people’s incessant need for companionship from me, or for me to react towards them all the time. What am I nit understanding, and why does it feel like pressure? It’s like people want me in their lives or want me to choose them and it really feels like a lot sometimes. I don’t hate people, it just feels like people constantly want something from me – my feelings, my thoughts, my reaction, my presence – and when I don’t feel like it, they go to a lot of ways to try snd trigger it (especially through reactive abuse)
please help me understand what I’m not understanding or missing when it comes to socializing with people?