Hey guys, I’m a 20-year-old female, and I’ve been struggling with friendships for as long as I can remember. When I was a teenager, I had three best friends who I felt really close to, but our friendship was always up and down — we were all unhealed and dealing with our own issues. Still, I was always the type of person who needed that one best friend — someone to talk to, hang out with, and share everything with.
That all changed when I met my current boyfriend. We clicked instantly, and around that time, I was graduating and already drifting from my friends. Things between us were rough, and I decided it was time to focus on myself. A few months later, I found out I was pregnant at 19, and it completely shattered me. I felt like my life was over. I spent 20 weeks hiding it, sinking into depression, and pushing everyone away — including my friends.
Eventually, I accepted everything and realized my life could still be beautiful with my baby in it. But by then, my friends were already gone. I regret pushing them away so much because they were like sisters to me. Now my baby is 4 months old, and I’ve never felt more alone.
I’ve always felt different from everyone — like there’s something about me that keeps people from ever truly connecting with me. It hurts watching others have best friends and close bonds, because deep down, I don’t think I’ll ever have that again.
I have a few people I talk to, but no one who really knows me. Being around people who don’t understand me feels empty. I sometimes hang out with coworkers, but it feels forced — like they don’t actually enjoy being around me.
I just miss having real connections. I miss laughing, feeling understood, and having someone who genuinely wants me around. I love my baby more than anything, but sometimes I really miss the version of me who still had people to call her best friends.