This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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I had a fabulous first date with a guy on the weekend. Night ended in a teenaged makeout session. The next couple days followed with sweet, flirty texts and the initial plans for another hang.
Now it’s been a couple days without any messages exchanged and he has updated his profile on hinge with new pics. I’m starting to feel that familiar feeling sink in… and it stings. Like I knew it was too good to be true.
Just venting and feeling a bit defeated.
It’s kinda funny… When we’re not together, I’m often mulling over ways to bring up the “what are we?” conversation… But when we are together, I don’t even think about it.
I need a break from dating. I dated someone for a couple months which didn’t work out because she didn’t feel it. Immediately after I started dating again, with varying success, lots of rejection, couple second dates. Had a date today but she didn’t feel the spark and I was ok with it.
However the constant rejections are affecting me. It makes me insecure about my looks, personality, hobbies, work, relationship experience, flirting skills and much more. I long for connection but dating should be fun. It feels so disheartening right now.
I know I have flaws like any other person but I struggle with not knowing the reason why they’re rejecting me. Them saying they don’t feel the spark feels like a gentle let down. Not sure if knowing the real reason would be any better.
I’m taking a break for at least a week. It’s my birthday this week and I don’t want to go though the apps or go on a date and getting rejected around that day. Hopefully I’ll get excited about dating again after. Just have to make sure I don’t give up like I did in the past.
ended a relationship around a week ago and I don’t know how i feel. I haven’t cried (am I awful?) and have felt pretty numb. At the same time I really miss them, but things were moving way too fast and despite my communication of wanting to slow down they just kept ramping up. But now I’m stuck in the phase of “what if I had done some things different, communicated better”. Instead I had to end things cause I just wasn’t feeling certain. Well it was somewhat of a mutual decision to end things. But how “sure” should one be after only two months? I feel like I learned a lot from this experience including that I have a lot of growth and learning to do still! I wish I had more clarity in my uncertainty if that makes any sense at all. But sometimes your intuition just senses something is off
Sometimes I can’t work out if I’m legitimately communicating my own anxieties in the spirit of being open and connected with my boyfriend, or if I’m self-sabotaging to protect myself.
He created some irrational barriers when we first started dating that lead to major anxiety on my part. And whilst we’ve since overcome those, I feel I’m now in this hyper vigilant state, bracing myself for the next barrier that presents itself, worrying if that’ll be the one that will cause what is otherwise an amazing thing to all come crumbling down.
As a result, I find I’m holding myself back emotionally. Having communicated this to him, he thinks I’m looking for reasons to end things and was quite upset this evening. I’ve reassured him this isn’t the case, but I am guilty of letting my head rule my heart out of self-preservation.
He’s provided me with some reassurance this evening, indicating that he sees a future with us and isn’t going anywhere. I now need to demonstrate the same to him and find a balance in what I unburden on him.
If you’re a female on a dating app and don’t believe in sex before marriage, at what point should you say it? Like, before meeting for sure, but is it okay to bring it up way earlier, in the first few chats, or not?
Idk if I’ll get dragged for this opinion but idc – I HATE when guys ask me for my social media accounts before we’ve even had a first date? Like why would you ask for that.
Matched with this guy and within an hour of brief messaging writhing Hinge he’s asking for my Instagram. I’ve had crazy scary encounters on the apps before so I’m pretty cautious about that stuff.
Idk it just is a red flag for me
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Feeling kind of emotionally fraught lately. Today it was time to say goodbye to our family dog, I’m feeling really guilty about not being able to fly up and be there for him, especially since he was there for me when my mental health first started getting really bad toward the end of college. But he was 17 and in the end-stage of kidney failure. I’m happy my family facetimed me and let me say goodbye that way at least. I’m gonna miss the lil guy and glad he was able to get a peaceful ending.
On top of that, someone I was seeing that I felt excited about (honestly pretty rare for me) and we had great chemistry and were building a pretty strong emotional connection ended things over the weekend, which is always a bummer. The last few times we hung out we had talked a little bit more about what we wanted from relationships, our views on love and all that. I wasn’t shy about the fact that I was excited about the connection, and she had been mirroring that. She mentioned being a little freaked out at her perceived expectations of what I wanted, even though I had said I wanted to slow it down and just focus on getting to know each other, because it was too early to tell if it was the right fit. Well in her text she said she didn’t think it was a good romantic fit. I was pretty curious if that’s really how she felt or if it was the freaking out at expectations, so I reiterated that there was no pressure and wondered if she’d be open to slowing it down and continuing to get to know one another. She said she could be open to it but was feeling cautious and wanted to take some time to think about it, which is completely fair. I’m moving forward with the assumption that things are over, but it’d be cool if she did still want to explore things.
I’m trying to be rational about it all, but the anxious stuff that’s been kicking in lately has a way of making me feel absolutely insane. I was scrolling some reels and came across one she liked about someone not texting back, and the idea of her feeling the anxiety about someone else stings a little, even though my rational mind knows it doesn’t matter if she’s seeing anyone, we weren’t exclusive, and things are most definitely over. I think it’s just some of the core wound stuff coming out that literally has nothing to do with her or the situation.
Update 2:
I bumped into him this morning as I was rushing back to my car as I had left something in there (and was already late for work). He waved at me with a smile and said hi. I smiled and said hi back. Then, when coming back inside, I bumped into him again and he just said “hello again” and we both kept on waking. Sigh. I get so shy around him 😂. He then sent a gif in the group chat later, but he hasn’t said yes yet.
Then I saw him at lunch and saw an opportunity to join him at the table he was sitting at as I wasn’t having lunch with my regular crew… but I didn’t, because a couple of… unpleasant people were there too.
My closest friend, the one I mentioned in my initial post (P) then told me she definitely won’t be able to sleep over and might not be able to make it to the party at all now because her partner now wants her to spend Halloween with him instead. Sucks cause we were really looking forward to this. I said he can join us but she already said that apparently and he doesn’t love the idea of driving all the way here.
So, feeling a bit bummed today 😅
Every time I give him the option of days to come see me and stay over, he always picks the one that gives us the most time together, and I love that for me.
The last time he slept over I woke up in the middle of the night to him all over me. We had sex and cuddles and it was very intimate and special to me. Ever since I’ve been thinking about what a heartbreak this will be if it ends. Some days I’m very zen about what happens happens, and some days I feel winded considering the possibility. I’ve never felt so conscious of what the consequences of the heartbreak would be.
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I come from a conservative country, and I’ve had very little sexual experience, only a few times with my ex. The experience isn’t good. We tried several times, but he became soft within a minute and couldn’t continue. We also used our hands, but I never felt fully comfortable and have never had an orgasm. I sometimes just pretended to be enjoyed so it wouldn’t be awkward.
Recently, I met a really nice guy, and we’ve been in a relationship for about three months. I told him I don’t have much experience and I am nervous about sex, so he suggested we could start slowly by using our hands. We’re planning to try that this weekend during our trip together.
He has a lot more experience and hope me to enjoy it. I’m scared he’ll be disappointed if I didn’t. I’m also not great at pretending, it only worked because my ex was a virgin.
I really like this guy, but I can’t stop worrying. My ex once told me that masturbating felt better than sex, and I’m worried there might be some issue with me. As the weekend gets closer, my anxiety getting worse.
Any tips on how I can prepare before the weekend?
I’m such a sucker.
Lightly texting with a guy. He doesn’t even use proper grammar/spelling which typically would be ewwwwwwwwwwwwww and also isn’t always volleying the ball (question) back which also typically ewwwww. But he’s complimentary.
I’m clearly in the anxious attachment spectrum. I’ve known it for a long time, I worked through a lot of issues around that, but this time, I’m getting on it for real. I’m really curious to see the world through the eyes of a secure perspective.
That feeling of dread when you can feel someone staring to fade/pull back 🙁
New to online dating and anxious
Hi all! I’m 39f and just starting my first experiences with online dating, and really dating in general. I was married for 8yrs and other relationships have been through acquaintances/developed organically, so this world feels really new for me. I feel pretty anxious and am second guessing myself constantly, so hoping for a little perspective and advice. I’m also a naturally slightly anxious person, and so I think all this newness and uncertainty is really getting to me.
One of the guys I’ve been chatting with I’ve been on 2 dates with and I’m really liking him. The first time he asked me – it went well, we had a nice time and found we had some really specific future dreams in common, but didn’t schedule another date right away. We kept texting a little after – I indicated I’d like to get together again and he asked me to grab dinner. Had a good 2nd date this last week, we both texted after to say we had a nice time, had a little back and forth over text, but haven’t been in touch for about 3 days. I know he’s moving this week and busy for the next few weeks so his schedule is crazy. I don’t have any intention of rushing things and want to allow things to unfold, don’t want to come across as too pushy. At the same time, I like this person and want to stay connected and continue getting to know them.
My instinct is to reach out in the next day or so and just say that I’d like to get together again whenever, but no urgency given his schedule. But then I’m questioning myself thinking I should give him some time to express interest first since I did last time. Or maybe his lack of expressing interest is something I should pay attention to. Idk. I’m sure I’m overthinking all of this and just torturing myself. 🙃. Any wisdom or reassurance would be much appreciated.
No spark.
Focusing on career.
Better as friends.
Not ready for this.
One away from completing my 2025 rejection bingo!
I’m not staying over at my boyfriend’s on a weekday this week because I will go out with my bestie and have an early meeting the next day.
However, I already whipped up chocolate chip/peanut butter cookies and snickerdoodles that I will bring him on Friday
I’m literally licking my wounds right now. Right on the heels of victory after having a difficult conversation about what isn’t working for me, and him responding positively with steps to fix it…
Celebrated by cooking him steaks tonight. We’ve started cooking together, he got the pan ready and I guess I was being too cute while putting the steaks in, got caught off guard by the splash/angle and dropped them into the pan… both of us got burned. He lucky only had a couple of flecks but he noticed my whole forearm blistering up and took care of it for me.
I ended up crying, a lot. I thought I really hurt him at first, he was trying not to blame me but his reaction cut deep. I had wanted tonight to be special, not another night of me crying. Plus I feel at this age I should know better… its just being single for so long and having no one to cook for resulted in me forgetting how to put down steaks.
Timeline’s felt so weird the past few years with my dating. I’ve had 3 relationships end in the past 2 years. Prior to that, I was mostly just casually dating and didn’t feel strongly about anyone from 2019-2022, but part of that was because I was healing for much of 2019 when my ex-fiancee left at the beginning of year.
I cared about all of them, loved some, but I don’t think I’d ever feel comparable loss as 2019. So I grieved those for a few months, reflected on things, tried to let myself feel, though I don’t feel like I’ve had control when I’d feel the loss, so sometimes, deeper feelings would creep in months later.
I’m definitely feeling loss right now and all that discomfort around it and I don’t think that I’m healed enough yet. There’s that urge to distract myself and just be open about it to my dates, but I don’t think it’d help me. Recently though, it’s been harder because I know my more recent exes replaced me quickly. The most recent ex had actually told me she started dating again 3 days after her previous, 3 month relationship, had ended. She had actually even seen me in public while she was with her bf like a week prior before we matched.
IDK, sometimes I wonder they truly how much they’ve processed the break up or are they just replacing loss immediately with another interest. Both of them definitely had a lot of anxious attachments, but the one last year was far worse about using others to emotionally regulate herself. Would I be doing the same if I started dating immediately?
And I don’t think there’s any pattern to the type of people I date, nor the reasons for why they ended. Maybe how I feel afterwards is a pattern of how I feel the loss, but not the people.
Anyone else been trying to meet someone for YEARS now and it’s just… not happening? Don’t get me wrong I’ve been on/off the dating apps for years as well and gone on a good handful of dates but like… nothing happens. Nothing goes anywhere. There’s barely ever chemistry with anyone so it’s not even fun lol. Just feeling depressed I guess because of jealous of people who just find relationships so easy one after the other, or who are always meeting someone “special.” Maybe I am too picky.
rebound date friday at a Halloween bar with a hottie who also only wants casual. My heart aches for the one I love but the rest of me is fuckin excited lol
What dating app would you recommend for someone who’s never been in a relationship before? I’m 30, and I’ve never been in a romantic relationship. Yes. I know, it sounds kind of lame, but that’s a story for another Reddit post.
Anyway, I have been on a few dates before, but they were all with people I met organically or who my friends set me up with. I’ve never used a dating app before. For some reason, I always felt a little hesitant about it. But lately, I’ve realized how hard it is to meet someone organically, so I’ve decided to give it a shot.
So my question is, what kind of dating app would you recommend for someone like me?
I’m not looking for a hookup, I’m hoping to meet someone genuine who could eventually become a real partner. Since I’m a Christian, I’ve wondered if I should try a Christian dating app. If so, which one would you recommend?
I’d love to hear about your experiences, and any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated!
Thanks in advance!
Went to another speed dating event tonight. Not the worst night, though the most human thing that came from it was a 1 on 1 with another guy there about how hard it is to find a nerdy girl in the Tampa area.
Also if I fail at dating forever it seems like I clean up with people who are 37+ years old. So there is that.
Hope everyone elses night is going good.
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“Guys respond to absence” is like the #1 dating advice people give women… but how true is that? i guess for me, absence and pulling away means disinterested. Is disinterest what attracts men? It doesn’t really make sense tbh. Why would you not someone who’s all about you and actually cares?
2 months into dating, I left the country for 2 weeks for a girls’ trip to Korea! He hinted at wanting to have a define-the-relationship talk when we get back. He’s taking care of my pet reptiles in the meantime (feed 3x/week). I’m thinking about him all the time meanwhile – having a good time. But still. Hope to do a couples trip this winter.
Good news, I did really well at the interview I had today, and I probably got the job. I’ll be a lot closer to where I live and the pay is better. Less intense work too. Had a pretty good day all things considered, but I burned my thumb at my current job saturday, so I couldn’t go bowl tonight, it’s still healing.
Can’t wait to say goodbye to my crappy job.
Welp, learned that dude I was texting with is right-leaning. Another one bites the dust. The dangers of meeting people irl.
It makes me feel better when I find other single attractive people online. It makes me feel less alone, less “behind” in life. As dumb as that sounds….
Sucks that I won’t be able to attend any Halloween parties because I’m stuck at home recovering from this recent surgery.
First stinging rejection. We had a STRONG start, one of the best first dates I have ever had. Great second, what I thought was a great third, followed by texting thru the following week. But he didn’t make the 4th date happen, after I gave him the green light and checked in he faded out. It bugs me that with only 3 dates it can bother me this much, but I was crushing hard. I knew disappointment would be inevitable returning to dating after 15 years, but all the mental/rational framing of it can’t logic my way out of hurt feelings.
I’m pretty sure there are no attractive mid 30 single men left in my town, it’s insane
I was just out with friends and they started to make jokes about my dating life. I don’t want to hear “they aren’t good friends” because it’s not so black and white. They just thought they were making lighthearted jokes, but…
I’m so tired.
I’m tired of being the woman that’s single. I’m tired of my dating life being a joke. I’m tired of no man wanting to take me on a date, be more than friends, see me romantically, etc.
I’m never… I’m starting to think I’m never going to actually date again. I’m so scared I’m never going to fall in love.
I’m in therapy. I’m working on myself and my patterns. I’m trying so hard…
I’m just… over it all. And if anyone suggests I take a break from dating, I will throw myself into the nearest pond and casually forget how to swim. I took five years off from dating then landed in two situationships in one year.
Just… let me be. I’m so tired. I can’t do this anymore.