I have a coworker who’s genuinely great at his job he's smart, friendly and hardworking but he has a really bad breath. Like to the point where clients have started subtly avoiding one on one conversations. It’s gotten noticeable enough that it’s affecting how people interact with him. The problem is I don’t know how to bring it up without absolutely crushing him. We’re not super close but I care enough to want to help. HR won’t say anything (“not a policy issue”) and everyone else just gossips about it behind his back which feels cruel. I’ve read advice like “offer gum” or “make it general” but that only works short term. I feel like someone needs to be honest just… kindly. I’d want to know if it were me but I have no idea how to do it without it coming across as insulting or personal. Last night I was playing on my phone and caught myself overthinking the whole situation between rounds like is it better to risk awkwardness and help him or stay silent and let it keep hurting his reputation?
How do you approach something like this with empathy but still honesty?
25 comments
He needs to have his teeth and gums checked. The smell is caused by an infection. I would tell him. It will be awkward but you are doing him a favor.
I would pick a time when no one else is around and say “hey, I want to tell you something because I care about you but I’m afraid it will be upsetting for you” or something like that. Get permission and be as gentle as possible.
What is humiliating about telling someone that? People need to grow a pair.
OP, you are awesome. And I will say that it just takes practice having awkward conversations. It gets easier and easier. I agree with the top commenter’s advice to pull him aside discreetly, when you know it will be only the two of you, and get permission to discuss the potentially awkward subject. Yes, it might be shitty for him to hear at first, but I guarantee you that he’ll be so grateful you told him. Even considering doing something like this takes class and character, and I know you’ll nail it. I’d absolutely want to know too if I were him. People talking behind his back is indeed cruel, and you’re doing the right thing.
I would pull him aside and say something like:
“Hey I wanted to tell you something real quick. I totally don’t mean this in any kind of mean way, but your breath smells kinda bad, man. I wasn’t sure if I should tell you, cause it sounds kinda mean to say. But I was thinking that I would want you to tell me if my breath smells bad.
Everyone’s does sometimes obviously, but since we’re talking up close to people, it’s more apparent here, you know what I mean?
I got some gum if you want any, just hit me up for some. It’s no big deal, like I said, I would want someone to let me know too, so, just looking out for ya.”
Leave a note for him with letters cut from magazines
Tell your co worker you feel like your breath is less than fresh today, it happens. And proceed with a private convo, and take it from there.
Seriously??What if he has diabetes, cancer of his tounge or another health issue causing the condition.. What if he cant afford to get it treated?? What if he has had it treated and theres no cure??
Try showing the Homie some compassion.. what if that was you..with the foul breath.?? Hows about you simply dealing with it?? Everything that is understood doesnt need to be discussed. I’m sure you have some..qualities that fall below someones bar, however they have enough tact and humility to accept you, as is. Look at the other positive attributes the gentleman has.. try focusing on those instead. You dont know what hes going through right now. You smelling his breath might be the least of his issues..
Don’t say anything. Just cough and gag violently.
Put a bowl of peppermints on your desk. Offer them to EVERYONE who walks in your office….or a pocket full
“I think you forgot to brush your teeth this morning*
Offer gum. Keep offering gum. Maybe eventually he’ll get the message.
“Hey, bro. Your breath smell like you be eating asshole for breakfast.”
I kinda don’t think it’s your place to say anything being that he is your coworker not your friend. And esp because you’re saying yall are not even close coworkers.
Edit: Okay I’m really shocked that people are telling you to tell him that’s almost unprofessional. You’re not his manager or HR. From a professional standpoint – this is a sensitive issue and it’s not your place.
I’d do 2 things… first, if you hear people gossiping, tell them it’s not okay. Bad breath like this is rarely an effect of poor hygiene and usually a sign of bad health. They should be concerned for him, not mock him behind his back.
And I would pull him aside and say, “Hey, I’ve got something really personal to talk to you about that’s begun to affect work. I’m concerned for you, but I know we’re not close and you’re likely to find it upsetting. Do you want me to continue, or maybe run it through someone else you’d prefer to about it with?”
I’d half expect him to know what you’re talking about already tbh. But if he says no, apologise and walk away.
If he says yes, though, I would say something like “You’re probably already aware, but I’m worried you’re having some kind of health issue that’s causing some breath problems. I’ve understand it’s got bad enough that clients are having trouble working with you. I don’t think there have been any formal complaints, so please don’t worry about that. I just wouldn’t want anyone to sit by until it got that far before checking in with me.”
Do NOT tell him there is gossiping, even if you have to lie. Only make promises of help or support you are comfortable with.
You can’t. You just hope they move past it or say nothing at all.
A health problem IS possible, but what if that’s not it? I think a lot of people struggle with hygiene, especially if they suffer from depression or ADHD or are on the spectrum. It could be as simple as he doesn’t regularly brush his teeth.
Just say hey man, do u brush your teeth in the AM? And take it from there. Just be honest. Maybe no one has been yet. If u don’t wanna be the one to do it somebody else should.
Ask him if his health is okay, and when he asks you why then tell him about his breath. Hopefully if you approach him with concern it will help dampen the blow.
Somehow, someway, send him a completely anonymous, untraceable email or some kind of message detailing the problem and how it could be a health concern or if it’s a fear of dentists they have specialists for that and it needs addressed because he’s well liked in the office and it’s affecting his interactions with clients and coworkers. Make sure he reads it so you know he got it
Sometimes white lies are okay for situations like this!
You could mention that you noticed his breath smelt bad and you were familiar with it yourself or from a close friend/family member dealing with it too. You could recommend some sort of good bacteria treatment or similar as something that worked for you/them. You could lament about how annoying teeth upkeep is.
Sometimes it’s easier and less embarrassing when something sensitive comes up if you are not the only one experiencing it
Just offer a gum
Whisper into their ear
You say that his breath has been a little off these past few days and was concerned that maybe a piece of food had gotten lodged between the teeth and they haven’t gotten it out yet. Or something silly, or maybe needs a tongue scraper. Or sometimes it just means you could be due for a teeth cleaning (even if they’ve never scheduled one before). Just something nice
Start carrying mints/gum and offer him one casually and pop one in your mouth at the same time. Do it in a upbeat manner as if your offering him a lollie, shouldn’t feel weird for either of you. If he declines oh well
make sure it’s one on one, DO NOT act like it’s a big deal, DO act like it’s out of the ordinary, keep it brief.
try to pretend in your mind that you are saying ‘hey I hear it’s going to be WAY cooler tomorrow than it was today’ – take that sort of tone.
in case of an emergency, like if they seem to be flipping out or taking it too weirdly – smile and say ‘i’d always want someone to tell me, so please don’t hesitate to let me know!’