Hi!! this is a throwaway account and even on my actual account I've never posted on Reddit before, so please be patient with me lol.
I (23f) and my partner (42m)(Let's not focus on the age gap) met at work when I was 19 and immediately clicked and he looks and acts a lot younger than his true age. We were both were working two jobs and discussed long term goals for our futures (which all aligned) he also has a son from a previous relationship from before he came to America (he is a green card holder.)
I've tried multiple birth controls and discussed with him I would like to stop taking birth control due to effects on my mental health and my cycle (i.e constant bleeding for months) and requested he use condoms, he agreed. He rarely had condoms on him and I never stood my ground on that. Obviously I got pregnant. We got an apt close to his work and I moved away from my family. The same day we moved in I lost my job due to refusal to accommodate my pregnancy (worked in a warehouse operating machinery in unsafe conditions.) We agreed I would focus on tending to the house and preparing for our baby rather than get a new job. Anyways he had a problem with me being one of the few females in the warehouse and hated a particular friend I had. I got a cat to keep me company. I took on the role of a housewife and sahm. Suddenly. He didn't like what I wore, he didn't like my friends, my family, going through my phone, accusing me of stuff, lashing out etc. I wasn't perfect either. I know that during my pregnancy I had serious mental health issues/anxiety which turned into postpartum depression. Once that resolved I quickly fell pregnant again. (Stupid I know…)
We're still in an apartment far too small for our family, him and his son his turned into people I don't recognize. I depend on my family and my foodstamps to provide what my child needs and I still am responsible for some of our bills. I expected a provider.
Now things have been rough. I've tried and tried to push him to get his citizenship, practice his English, be romantic, be emotionally available, get a better job, move to a 3 bedroom, encourage his son to be a functioning human, put themselves both in therapy for the sake of our family. Not to mention if something happened to him today me and my children would be left with nothing.
I suspect my partner has SERIOUS mental health issues. He lashes out on everyone but mostly me. Most recently he was yelling (I had asked to use the bathroom as I had been waiting for an hour for his son to get out, who ignores me when I ask.) He began yelling in front of our two babies (our oldest who was recently diagnosed with autism) I told him please shut up. We had two appointments to get to and he was stressing me and the babies out. In response he decided to start throwing stuff at me (this is not the first time he has become physical but it is the first time he did so in front of our kids…) my 2 year old started crying so I decided to take the kids to our appointments without him and stayed at my aunts for about a week. I got things organized and took my kids and stuff to stay with a friend who offered me a room at her place and job once I get everything situated.
Now he is faced with losing us, he has agreed to counseling (individually and as a couple) he has agreed to get a better job and support me in my career dreams. I told him I wouldn't come back unless I saw progress from him and his son. (His son himself has so many problems that I don't know if it's possible to fix, he's a klepto, lazy and lashes out twice as bad as his father and he bullies all of us including the babies)
I don't know if I should just cut ties or if this is a true wake up call for him. We still have so much love for each other but I want a bright future for us and our children and I don't know if he can give us that…
TLDR: my partner was the man of my dreams until reality, mental health issues, financial struggles, arguments hit and I don't know if this is salvageable. I want more from life and he is fine where we are. I took the kids and left and NOW he is willing to turn things around.