Sorta need advice or perspective. And maybe some support? But I'm also kinda just ranting. I'm in a tough spot lol
So, basically, I met this guy on tinder a few weeks ago. We matched on September 23rd. Really sweet guy, super funny, emotionally intelligent. We had sooo many things in common. There was lots of flirting but wasn't anything too explicit. We'd mutually agreed that we'd wanted a relationship were things go kinda slow. We wanted to be intentional.
He made me feel warm and safe and giggly. It was comfortable, sweet. Happy.
We (mutually, he would bring it up on his own as well) would talk about hypothetical scenarios where we'd eventually meet up and do activities together. A lot of those scenarios involved cuddles lmao. But there was also talk of getting food, playing video games together (we have a lot of the same favorite games). We talked about reading DC comics together. Apparently reading them is one of his favorite things, and I suggested that we do it together sometime. He seemed to really like that. He casually brought up at some point like "if you ever talk to or meet my friends, they'll tell you x, y and z about me". Implying that he thought I would eventually meet his friends?
Essentially, everything was going really great. Lots of fluff, lots of flirting. Lots of talk about the near future.
This is where things get messy. On paper, it's pretty simple. But emotionally, it feels kind of complicated. We talked for about a week and a half
(I know that sounds bad, and the evidence is pretty damning, be gentle with me 😭)
So basically, he co-owns a house with his older brother. It's an old house, so they were getting some HVAC stuff done. But his grandma had also passed away a few months prior. He was her pca, so he was getting paid. There was a will reading where he was supposed to get his last paycheck from working with her. But apparently a bunch of his aunts and cousins were trying to take that money from him? So he was going through a court process to try to block them or something? That detail is a bit fuzzy, I just know that everything was really hectic in his life when we last talked. And there were a few other things going on as well that I won't get into.
The last time we talked was the first of this month, (I know, it's bad and I'm probably a bit deulu 🥹) so it's been 2 and 1/2 weeks of silence. The last thing he said to me was:
"I'm sorry mamas. I had to do some more court shit, I missed you too babygirl." (Copy and pasted directly from our chat)
So last I heard, he was really busy and overwhelmed.
I've reached out like four times since? Once was in the first couple of days, just trying to check on him and make sure he was safe. And then again a few days later because it was his birthday, so I just sent him a very brief happy birthday. Not too long after that, I tried texting him instead of snapping him. And then a few days ago, I called and left a voicemail. (I probably look crazy 😮💨) Which, for the record, was my personal boundary and the last time I'll be reaching out.
But I don't know. I just really liked him. And it seems like he really liked me. He said so upfront several times. Like, yes I liked how he made me feel. But I did like him for who he was as well. He made me feel safe and connected in a way that I haven't really felt before? For context, I'm only 19 and I've never really had a serious relationship. So like, he had potential to be part of my life? And it seemed like he wanted the same thing… He said so directly several times.
I guess the sitch is that he hasn't unmatched us on tinder, he hasn't blocked my phone number and he hasn't unadded me from snap. So like, he's gone silent but he hasn't cut off any of the three forms of communication that we have? I guess that's where I'm confused. If he was intentionally trying to ghost me, wouldn't he block everything and move on? I usually couldn't care less about a man. I've been on a healing journey for a few years and trying to focus on myself. But this one? I don't know. He just made me feel safe and comfortable. He made me feel seen and heard in a way that I haven't felt in a really long time. And in a way that was so much more intense than I've ever experienced. I mean this in a totally unironic/not satire way, but I genuinely just feel things really deeply. He's just kind of glued himself to my brain and I can't stop thinking about him in my free time.
At this point, I don't even know if I want him to come back or not. Like I miss him and I would love for him to make a reappearance. But I genuinely just want an answer. Like, I want him to show up again and write me a message explaining why he just dipped. Or for him to just block me all together so that I can move on. Either way, I just need closure. This is driving me insane. 😭😅
So, at the risk of sounding completely crazy, I will ask you, the people of reddit, the verdict.
Simply for the fact of how connected we were and the fact that he hasn't blocked me anywhere yet, part of me is still hoping that it's realistic for him to come back. That, and how hectic his life was when we last talked. For those reasons, I'm kind of leaning into the naivete, as well as the hopefulness.
But another part of me is like "no babe, he's gone". What do we think? Am I crazy? (Please be kind and gentle with me. I'm already agonizing lol)