TL;DR: My girlfriend of 1.5 years moved here to be with me, trying to escape a troubled past (including addiction). We share ambitious life goals (entrepreneurship), but she constantly procrastinates on starting the work. This past week, people from my work offered her cocaine, which was a terrifying reality check on how unstable her environment and sobriety currently are. I love her, but I need advice on what specific steps to take right now: Should I set a firm ultimatum to prioritize her sobriety and our shared work?
My girlfriend (F26) and I (M25) have been together for about a year and a half. Our connection was immediate and intense. She made a life-altering decision to move to the country I live in (without stable immigration status) to be with me, which shows how serious she is about our relationship. I'm in a similar situation here, so we immediately had a strong bond and the happiness of building a new, adult life together.
When we met, she was coming off a very rough past, including a history of drug addiction back in her home country. Our relationship has been a refreshing, supportive environment for her to start over and grow. I truly love the company we share, and we have been happy together.
I've always been extremely focused on self-improvement, building skill sets, and working towards creating a business for myself that will lead to time and financial freedom. This is deeply important to me—I want to live my life on my own terms. We share this vision, talking often and excitedly about our future goals.
However, a voice of doubt is getting louder in my head because of a huge disconnect between the vision and the reality, especially after this past week:
This realization hit me hard this past week. We were hanging out with people from my restaurant job, and they casually offered her cocaine. Given her past history with addiction, this felt like an immediate, terrifying threat. It forced me to look at our present environment and social circle and question everything—it feels like we are surrounded by people or circumstances that actively endanger her stability, and by extension, our future.
Separate from the recent scare, when I try to get serious about creating a timeline or starting on the foundational work for our shared entrepreneurial goals, I feel ignored, or she quickly finds a distraction (a TV show, a social media video, etc.) that derails both of us.
I understand the pull of instant gratification and distractions—I used to be stuck wasting time and just "surviving" life, too. But I pulled myself out of that mindset. She seems stuck in that cycle right now, which directly interferes with the productive work needed to achieve the future we both claim to want.
I worry that this lack of follow-through and the precariousness of her current stability aren't just temporary issues, but a fundamental difference in work ethic, commitment to health, and future-readiness.
The Actionable Advice I Need
My desired outcome is to know the most responsible course of action that honors my love for her while protecting my future.
I feel like I'm compromising my own life goals and putting my emotional energy into a fundamentally high-risk relationship.