hey reddit, i really need some perspective. i’ve been dating my(22F) boyfriend(21M) for a while and lately i’ve been feeling hurt, confused, and frustrated about how he behaves. i love him, but i’m not sure if i can handle this long term.
he often says he has no confidence to talk to girls because he feels ugly. he tells me he feels comfortable with me and that’s why he’s with me. i know he’s being vulnerable, but it also makes me feel like he doesn’t really find me attractive or that he’s with me just because it’s easy.
he’s left women he loved before because he felt they were too beautiful and deserved better than him. now he says he chose me because he feels comfortable. honestly, it hurts a little, like i’m a “safe choice” rather than someone he genuinely wants.
he says he wishes other attractive girls talked to him but at the same time he doesn’t like it when i dress up or get attention from others. it feels like a double standard, like he wants validation for himself but doesn’t want me to get any.
compliments from me feel fake to him because “it’s always people who know me,” he says he only believes strangers. i try so hard to reassure him, but it’s exhausting feeling like nothing i say matters.
he compares himself to other guys and feels looked down on because of his looks. sometimes i even worry that he might seek validation from other girls just to feel better about himself.
i’ve tried to support him, reassure him, and be patient, but it’s emotionally draining. i love him, but i also want a relationship where i feel secure and appreciated, not one where i constantly have to manage his insecurities or feel like i’m “less than” because he struggles with self-worth.
i’m feeling really conflicted. part of me thinks maybe i should break up because this pattern seems unhealthy, but another part of me wants to be understanding and supportive. i guess i’m just looking for outside perspective. am i overreacting or is this a real red flag for the future?
thanks for reading, any advice or thoughts would really help.
tldr: my boyfriend has deep insecurities, wants validation from others but doesn’t like it when i get attention, and often makes me feel like i’m just a “safe choice.” i love him but it’s emotionally exhausting and i’m not sure if this is a red flag or if i’m overreacting.