A while back, I (27F) used to live in a big apartment with three friends, two guys and one girl. We’d all been close since high school and decided to live together through college. Our apartment became the hangout spot for our whole friend group and there were always people around.
When we were all around 25, we decided it was time to move on, some of us wanted to live alone or move in with partners. Two other guys from our friend group (regular visitors at our place) decided to take over the lease.
Here’s some context: about a year before that, I’d had a one night stand with one of those two guys. It happened in a weak moment after a breakup with a longterm boyfriend. Afterwards, I made it clear I didn’t want anything more, and things went back to normal, we stayed friends. He was flirting and maybe trying to start something again on few occasions after that, but I just ignored it as he was always the “nice guy” of the group, a little awkward with girls but harmless.
When he and his friend moved into our old apartment, they threw a huge party. I don’t usually drink much, but that night I decided to really let loose, it was like a last hurrah for me and my old roommates. At some point, I realized I was way too drunk and went to the bathroom to try to sober up. I got dizzy and panicked, splashed myself cold water, and ended up soaking myself. I called my old roommates for help, but they were just as bas as I was, so not much help.
One of them called the “nice guy” since he was sober that night. He came to help, was kind at first, lent me some dry clothes, and let me rest in what used to be my old room to sober up. I felt safe, it was familiar, and he left me alone and went back to the party.
But later that night, I woke up to find him spooning me, stroking my hair. Before I could even react, he started trying to kiss me. That’s when I realized he was hard and grinding against me. I had no idea how long he was doing that, I completely freaked out, made up an excuse about needing the bathroom, grabbed my stuff, and ran out of the apartment.
We never spoke about it afterwards, he never apologized nor mentioned it and I just couldn’t bring myself to bring it up since I felt somewhat ashamed of it all. He hadn’t been drinking, which made it worse and I tried to tell myself it was a bad moment or a misunderstanding, but it really bothered me. When I mentioned it to my old roommates then, they brushed it off and said I’d probably misread things, that he “meant no harm” that I was just too drunk and overreacting.
After all that, I just randomly distanced myself from the group, not really on purpose, the "nice guy" kept acting normal around me but I never got drunk around them again. I still live in the same area, so I’d occasionally grab coffee with a few of them, but that was about it since I was just busy and living my life. They are all super close, still hang out together all of the time and in that same apartment.
Recently, one of my old guy roommates tried to guilt trip me about not hanging out more and going out with them anymore, and I mentioned that that night was part of the reason why but he just dismissed it again and repeated how nice the guy was, "he'd never harm anyone" and so on.
This honestly pissed me off, so I reached out to a another girl from that group. She was our friend from high school too, but she used to date one of the guys, so she’d drifted away with everyone including me after they broke up. She then told me she’d had a similar bad experience with a completely different guy from the same group and that when she tried to talk about it everyone dismissed her too telling her the same stuff they keep telling me.
I was so disgusted that now I honestly just want to cut them all off completely, block them, leave the group chat, maybe say something mean and honest before I go.
I asked my old girl roommate, my best friend, what she thought, and while she now doesn't think that it's okay what happened she also thinks that it's too late to do anything now since it's been a while and everyone probably forgot about it all. She thinks it would just make me seem like the asshole for doing this out of the blue now.
Torn since I feel like I can’t be around people who dismiss what happened and defend these guys no matter what I say, but I also feel guilty for considering cutting off people I’ve known for over a decade?
TL;DR: Had a creepy experience with a “nice guy” in my longtime friend group. Everyone dismissed it, and later I found out something similar happened to another girl. Now I’m thinking of cutting them all off.