Husband says he feels like a spare part, I'm trying to find ways to help him.
We moved to the Baltics from the UK, both for my job and our quality of life-im originally from here so I have friends and family while husband only has me and our five month old baby. He does not have a job at the moment.
We spend our days pretty much on our own. Take walks, deal with daily issues etc. This is all relevant to the question.
Yesterday husband had a meltdown, he left for several hours without telling me where he went and when he'd be home. Didn't respond to my calls nor messages.
Later, he admitted he feels like a spare part in our family.
He feels we don't need him.
He's lonely, and even when it comes to the baby- it upsets him that baby doesn't really calm down when he's picking him up. He feels like there is nothing he needs to do, since I can do everything on my own. Therefore he doesn't feel a true bond with the baby , which makes me super upset.
From my point of view I don't feel he's trying hard enough.I'm spending majority of time with the baby, keeping eye on wake windows, nursing him, chatting and singing to him etc.. Unless I calm him. I feel like – unless I do everything,nobody else will.
I have never really struggled with mental health, so I'm able to tell myself "just get on with it", even on days where everything is going badly, but that also means I cannot fully relate to my husband and I get annoyed that he can't do the same.
Therefore I struggle to find ways and help my husband. We're both in our late thirties. We both really wanted this life, but currently it clearly isn't working out for him.
How can I help him feel needed and wanted ?
As a man – what helped you find purpose in your life and how could I support his mental health, as well as nurturing his bond with his young son?
Edit- additional info for clarity and sadness
Edit 2 – thank you for the very useful replies and perspectives. I've been stuck in looking at things from only my viewpoint so this has been super good