My boyfriend (36M) and myself (31F) have been together for going on 2 years, and a lot has happened in that 2 years. We’ve integrated our families and bought a house together. Everything’s great, we love each other, we have fun, we’re comfortable.
But there’s one thing that’s just.. bothering me. I was very clear in our early stages of dating that marriage is important to me, for a variety of reasons. I’ve been divorced.. but it’s not stopping me from my future. I was with my ex for a long time we just grew apart, it happens. My boyfriend was hesitant about marriage (he was with his ex for.. a long time and they never got married)but he said he wasn’t against it and it was a possibility, so I kept things going.
But now we’re at 2 years, we’ve done everything together absent that. We’re both grown adults, not getting younger.. and I still can’t get his input on anything related to marriage. He just says he’s working toward it, but won’t elaborate. If I bring it up or even show him ring styles I like he goes into avoidance mode and changes the subject and tells me it feels like he’s being pressured. I don’t expect it today or tomorrow or even this year but I do want you to know that’s what I want and this is what I like so when you are ready you know.
I’ve tried telling him how important it is, my thoughts behind how he acts and how it feels (like he’s not sure he wants that kind of future with me, and if that’s the case, it’s okay.. I’ll find a way to move on). But he just says we love each other and he’s working towards it. But I don’t even know what that means.. working towards it? It’s not money.. we don’t have that problem. It’s not that we’re not integrated together we’ve been living together idk how long.
I don’t know what it is.. and it’s bothering me but I can’t get through to him and I don’t know what to do. I just want his thoughts and feelings and the only thing my brain is telling me is he isn’t openly telling me because he’s not sure if I’m what he wants in that capacity despite him somewhat saying it is.