So I (29M) have been talking to this woman (26F) for almost a month. We met at a theater and exchanged numbers to stay in contact, since she was traveling for a few weeks before coming back. We ended up speaking and flirting a lot through very, very long texts during that period, multiple times a day, and agreed to meet up when she came back.
The date went well, there was a lot of laughing and chemistry, flirting, quite a bit of hand holding and eye contact and whatnot. Near the end, 4 hours in, we had a bit of a moment when we were exchanging some intimate stuff, and we had already been sitting close, with me occasionally moving strands of hair away from her face (it was very windy), much to her delight. At a certain moment, I decided to go in for a kiss, but I noticed a very slight discomfort on her face right when our lips were about to touch, and she turned her face away giving me her cheek and said that she wanted to wait with that. I said it was okay, and kept it normal afterwards, with the laughter, flirting, and occasional handholding happening, but I was very, very embarrassed and ashamed, in addition to being incredibly confused, feeling like I had misread everything on that day and the prior weeks. I was even slightly repulsed (not at her, but at the situation – when you like someone and they don’t feel the same way, sometimes you just lose all attraction). I walked her to the subway, and we were talking about something when her train came, and I mentioned having to stop now. She then smiled and said maybe over text then, which I hesitated a bit before answering because I was kinda checked out at that point. She noticed my hesitation and said okay, then it’s a cliffhanger for next time, and gave me a big, long hug before boarding her train.
I went home, very confused, and almost decided on not seeing her anymore. However, after some thinking, there were many things I really liked about her, and I remembered that she values communication, directness, and honesty, so I messaged her and told her how I felt, while reiterating that she does not owe me anything physically, and focusing on my confusion and possible miss-reading things, and us possibly being on completely different wavelengths.
She said she was very happy I messaged her, and did not want me to overthink anything, that it was not personal at all, and that she likes to take things very, very slow and that I should not expect a kiss at all on the first few dates, and that she had never done that with any guy, in addition to that she barely knows me. And part of me is fine with that, but another part of me was caught slightly off-guard by the barely know each other comment – we have both acknowledged earlier during our long texts that I can be pretty forward emotionally while she takes her time and is more analytic with people, but I still felt like we knew each other a little more than barely, especially because of some personal things we’ve shared on that day, and the previous weeks.
Additionally, I still felt very embarrassed and ashamed, and quite turned off – no bigger ”ick” than someone not wanting you, I guess. She very clearly mentioned wanting to see me again, and went as far to clarify that she was just busy the next day, and that I should not misunderstand it as her ignoring me – which although I didn’t worry about very much, I did appreciate (which is one of the things I like very much about her – she’s very, very thoughtful).
However, despite us having a ton in common, I feel like we have very, very different emotional pacing, which is not exactly an insignificant hurdle. Also, I’m not sure how to go forward from this in future dates, because if I cannot rely on those physical tells such as physical contact and flirting, etc, which I’ve always relied on with other women, how will I know when to kiss her, or hold her hand, or so? I can’t imagine that it would be very romantic if a few dates later, she says to me OK now you can kiss me if you want. I’m just very confused.
I’m wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation or dealt with a similar person and where it went from there?