My (36) wife (27) and I have been married a little over a year and have been together for about 2 and a half years. We’ve been separated for 4 months now and she has stated multiple times that she wants to divorce. I won’t go into everything, but the biggest issue by far was me and immaturity. No abuse, no infidelity. But basically being a manchild. I have grown and taken a lot of steps to correct this behavior. However, I understand enough and have had my eyes opened enough to see that I deserve a divorce. I was not a good husband to my wife. As much as I want to work on the marriage, I can actually understand why she doesn’t even when everyone else seems to think she shouldn’t be wanting a divorce.
Here’s basically a timeline I would like to get feedback on specifically from women if possible about why things are the way they are though regarding what she is and isn’t doing and what she could be thinking and feeling because it has been so confusing.
I left in late June. She said we could keep snapping. That lasted 2 days and then no comms from her for two weeks. I missed the big family 4th of July party. I texted her the next day to apologize again for my behavior and was asking what it would take to fix this. She told me that she knows she should work on things with me and that’s what the whole family wants, but she doesn’t want to. As far as she is concerned, the marriage is over. Her counselor said we had a lot of red flags and she recommended divorce. (I didn’t think counselors were supposed to tell you what to do, but apparently, hers did.) I asked my wife what she wanted to do and she said she was 95% sure she wanted divorce. She would keep me updated. We actually did text and snap for a couple solid weeks after that which was odd to me for someone who wanted to divorce to all of a sudden talk. But then she ghosted me again in late July. She went away with her family to the beach in early August. I obviously did not go and her parents thought it be best and less stressful for everyone. Our anniversary fell on the trip which was a huge bummer. I texted her on that day and that I was thinking of her and that I loved her. She never responded. The week after they came back, I decided that I needed clarity and so I went over to the house to try and talk with her. We had a long conversation and she basically told me her mind really hadn’t changed and that she had started the divorce paperwork online but closed off the link and can’t get back to what she had done. She wanted to try and speak to a lawyer or someone who could help her with it because she didn’t understand some of paperwork apparently. She also said she hadn’t really thought about me at all in this time and she took it as a sign she must really not want to be with me. She talked about at some point packing up my stuff for me to come grab at some point. I left. No more contact for 2 weeks. In early September, I needed something at the house and told her I was going to grab it. I found out she had changed the door code so I could no longer get in, so I had to wait until she was done with work to get it. We had a short conversation but it was cordial. She apologized that she had not done anything yet about packing stuff up or moving the divorce process along because she has been really busy with work. I said it’s fine and I’m always still willing to talk or work on things, but it seemed obvious I really wasn’t welcomed at the house anymore. In the middle of September, she told me a piece of mail came for me, so she left it on the porch and told me I could come grab it while she was at work so I did. I did take a quick peek in the window and noticed there was zero signs still of her packing anything up. For the last month and half I guess at this point, it has been radio silence.
She has never blocked me, still has her wedding pics up on social, still has me as her married status. I’ve never gotten anything in the mail yet regarding paperwork and obviously haven’t gotten my stuff back yet.
Yes I know I need to keep focusing on me and growing and improving, but I can’t help but feel as though I’m on an emotional rollercoaster here. I WANT this marriage to work. I do not want to divorce.
Try to put yourself in my wife’s shoes.
Why the consistent delay?? It would take 2 hours max to pack up stuff that I have there. I’ve also read that divorce paperwork online is very simple which is what she was using, so how she hasn’t been able to work on it I’m not sure. I also think people make time for things that are important to them or things that they really want to do.
Thanks