I’m not really quite sure how to do this, I’ve never really used Reddit before, but I’m in desperate need of some advice.
I’m really struggling with exploring my sexuality over here. I don’t have a partner, so doing anything with someone else is out of the question, and I way too fat and ugly to reasonably get a date. Just being honest with myself. But I’m still human, and I’m still horny, so I use things like vibrators.
But really my clit is hypersensitive, and anything too direct or too much pressure is horrifically overstimulating. I think it might be related to my autism, because the sensations of overstimulation with loud noises or certain textures are weirdly similar. Anyway, that’s something I can sort of deal with, the real issue is that I am terrified, TERRIFIED, of penetration.
The last time I put a damn tampon in, it touched my cervix and I literally passed out. Couldn’t move for ten minutes, everything was yellow and fuzzy, and I was whimpering for help. Eventually I managed to stumble out of there, but that’s not the only thing.
I HATE the texture of my own insides. It makes me feel sosososo disgusted and I shudder every time I try using a finger. So I’ve tried toys and WOW do they hurt so so bad. They burn and burn and burn. And when they’re finally inside and half the bottle of KY Jelly is gone it still hurts like hell and I can’t find a g-spot.
I think I’m just terrified of my own body. And I don’t know what to do because I can’t afford to go to a sex therapist. So I’m screwed.
If anyone’s got anything, anything at all, I’m all ears.