I'm (39 M) had been seeing a (36 F) for a year. It wasn't a relationship but there was a mutual attraction from both sides. Every time I tried to get closer, she would come up with an issue in her life and distance herself from me. For example; there is a conflict in her home country and she feels bad. If I give her distance, she would say I should take more initiative. But then she would change and becomes sweet to me again when I become distant. We were like this for a while until I just settled into friendship mode; I just enjoyed the times we spent together, no physical intimacy or holding hands. Then she acted like we were in a relationship and said we shouldn't be seeing each other often because she can't handle that emotionally. I felt bad for her. She asked me whether I was going to bring up that we weren't to make a relationship work. I told her that we had been acting as friends for a while, she herself said that if the guy and girl don't discuss they are in a relationship, then they aren't. Even during our platonic friendship, she was dealing with other guys the same way she dealt with me; laughing and listening. I was in the same boat. The only thing was that she spent more time with me doing things she likes (biking and we did a couple trips together), and took a lot of selfies. During our conflicts, she would say I'm responsible for myself. If she feels bad, she would say I'm not man enough to take care of her. I could provide a lot of examples but the pattern was that she blamed me without taking responsibility. Now, I have been overcoming my nostalgia to her, but still feel bad at times. She was a sweet person. Last time I saw her in a group, she ignored me. How do you not lose sight of the bad things in this relationship and stop missing her?
TL;DR I saw a girl for about a year, it wasn't official. It had a lot of conflicts. She would gaslight me. I settled into friendship, then she got upset I wasn't pursuing her. She is a sweet person.