My husband (28m) and I (26f) got into an argument because I found out he stepped over a boundary we set before we got married to not bring porn into our marriage. It caused a lot of issues while we were dating so we agreed to not bring it into our marriage. I was skeptical that he was being honest with me about him not using it because my sex drive is high and I initiate sex with him twice a day, minimum and he turns me down 9/10. Turns out I was right. We’ve been married for 6 years and I found out he has been lying to me this whole time to my face and has been using it, despite knowing how I feel and knowing it was a boundary. I asked him if there was anything else he was hiding from me and he told me a year ago, he had a crush on his coworker and was planning in his head to ask her if she wanted to hook up. He never did because she ended up leaving the company. He said if she would have asked him to hook up before she left, he would have without a doubt. He said he also didn’t tell me that when he’s getting off, sometimes even during sex with me, he fantasizes about my sisters and my friends. I feel absolutely disgusted and physically sick. He told me he was sorry, he said he’s just a selfish person who cares more about himself than he cares about me but he said he does love me and care about me. I’m starting therapy soon, I’m hoping that will help. My self confidence is at an all time low. I don’t feel like he cares about me or our marriage at all if he was so willing to risk everything for his own desires. I should absolutely hate him but I don’t. I still love him with every fiber of me and the thought of divorce is crushing to me. But so is the thought of staying with someone who will potentially cheat in the future. I do not trust him at all. I don’t know what to do. If I leave, it could potentially be my biggest regret of my life because my brain likes to replay our 6 years of being married, when I thought of everything was pure bliss. Even if I was being lied to the entire time. But if I stay, what if he does cheat and continue to lie to me? He said he wouldn’t blame me if I divorced him, but I’ll never find a man that would be willing to give up porn for me, and I’ll never find another man than doesn’t want to cheat. I’m so conflicted.