I (30F) was at my friend’s wedding last weekend where I went alone since I do not have a partner right now. While at the reception, a slow dance song came on and everyone who was at my table (like 16 people) got up to dance with their partners. I was the only person left at the table & I looked around at the other tables & most of those tables were empty too. I felt so humiliated just sitting there staring off into space all alone. I eventually got up and went to the bathroom where I even started to cry. I know that no one actually cared that I was sitting alone but I definitely cared.
It’s been so hard being the only single friend. I used to have an army of single girlfriends & now I’m essentially the only one still single. I’ve been single for about three years and have been out with a lot of people but nothing has stuck. While I have accomplished a lot while single, I feel as if I have reached a point where I feel so incredibly alone. I can just feel the loneliness in my gut and it hurts.
I have been putting myself out there a lot over the past 1.5 years. I use dating apps but I also play on several pickleball/tennis leagues and consistently go to my workout classes five days a week. Everyone who I meet organically seems to have a wife or a girlfriend. I have also been on quite a few dating app dates but my most recent one ended so horribly I haven’t been able to go on a date in over three months. My last date completely humiliated me in front of a whole patio full of people. I feel so discouraged.
I am posting this mainly to vent but also wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation? I could definitely use some advice/encouragement.
32 comments
I wish I had any advice, but I feel you. I’m the 13th wheel in one friend group, 5th in another, 11th on my family. It feels so embarrassing when you’re by yourself; I really get it. Experienced it at a wedding last year: I mean I don’t know much people there except for the bride and groom, let’s say people were dancing with their friends/partners…and I’m just there.
I know exactly how you feel I don’t even want to say how long I have been alone if you find any answers please share
I understand how you feel. You’re young, don’t feel discouraged. Dating is a numbers game. You will make it, I believe in you 🚀
Basically the best advice is to don’t go to weddings especially if you don’t have any single friends.
Find some new people to hang out with 😁 don’t skip your friends but once married their priorities will shift so it’s best to find other girlfriends who you can relate to
You just described my experience at every one of my friends weddings. I didn’t feel humiliated at all. I’m pretty sure I danced with someone’s grandmother every time, making some damn memories.
You’re still young and have plenty of time. It’s not a race. Just live your life to the fullest and someone will come into your life that you’ll get to dance with.
I, 31M was in the same boat until I realized it was me all along.
One thing that helped me was ‘You need to have enough love for yourself to receive it.
I’m still single but sensing all the love around me has become life-changing now I don’t feel lonely.
Married friends love me, people everywhere show me love and I’m sure it’ll flow in this area too. All the best.
Once I was at a wedding and my husband didn’t dance a single song with me. I sat at the table feeling lonely and sad even though I shouldn’t have been, because I “had someone”. It feels lonely being alone, but there’s no lonely like feeling alone when you’re with someone who doesn’t care about you. I hope by the next wedding you have someone wonderful by your side
Join a Meetup group and meet new, single friends. There are SO many singles out there-your thoughts are being ruled my your paired-off friends and their experiences (which are not fairytales, trust me).
You will have joyful, fun, positive thoughts when you are hitting concerts, traveling the world, gabbing, getting drinks, shopping, going for walks with other single friends.
It’s not just you luv.
It’s hard out here.
I have a best friend who is a guy.
We do absolutely everything together except intimacy.
Right now, I’m ok with that.
I’ve been on so many first dates, I’m so over it. I don’t even understand, the one’s you are sure went well? And you never hear from them again.
So while I completely feel for you, and I’m sending you tons of love…don’t give up.
It’s such a crap shoot.
It will happen for all of us eventually.
Right now, I’m on the organically mindset.
I can’t do the internet dating thing anymore.
Literally in the same situation as you. I (29F) have always been the “single person” in my friend group and everyone has always been in long-term relationships. I have two weddings this year and will be going alone to both of them.
It’s nice to know that there are others in the same boat as us as well.
Its hard to suggest this. Its only a gentle push.. but find that happy girl and just go find somebody to drag out onto the dance floor. Dont embrace, but dance with the little girl.. or boy, just be happy and silly and other folks will see you at yoir most attractive.. while they are also at their happiest, watching you dance also..
You never know, lotsa peeps be thinking stuff like.. we gotta fix her and Nathan up on a double date or sumpm. Shes just a picture of beauty and happiness.
People think like this.
Be free little girl, just be you.i realize this is rearview mirror thinking. We cant fix what happened. But if you can repair the memory with a fantasy you like.. you are on your way to being ready for the next chance.
Everyone’s on their own timeline. Some people don’t require as much as others do and have an easier time dating. Next time, bring a date for the night! It might turn into something, might not. At the end of the day it’s a fun experience.
I’m 32 not married or have kids
I’m a guy, I’ve been single about 14 years. You get used to it! 🤣🤣🤣
that deep gut loneliness hits diff n it’s rly harddd when u feel like the last one still tryna figure it all out while everyone else seems boo’d up 😔 that wedding moment sounds so painful n even tho u kno logically no one was judgin u it still hurt sm just sittin there feelin left behind n invisible 💔 but like fr ur doin everything right u’ve been puttin urself out there meetin ppl stayin active showin up for urself in sooo many ways n that takes hella strength even when it doesn’t feel like it 🫶 bein single doesn’t mean ur not lovable or worthy it just means the right connection hasn’t clicked yet n that’s not on u !! that date that humiliated u ?? screw him lol ppl like that say nothin abt u n everything abt them !! u r not alone baby even if it feels like it rn n u r def not fallin behind ur story is just unfoldin a lil slower n softer than u hoped but it’s not over at all
In addition to never having had any significant relationships, I haven’t had any friends for years, so fortunately I don’t have any wedding invitations
I totally get this feeling, it’s really hard not to feel down in situations like these. The only real answer is to create joy and meaning in other places and to prioritise friend and familial love as much as possible so that you’re still getting your needs for connection met. I know it doesn’t scratch the particular itch for wanting romance, though. There is so much to do in this life, and romance is just one piece of it, so do your best to take the time to enjoy the other aspects too. There will be times that you have to let yourself feel the disappointment or loneliness too though, just try not to get stuck there.
I’ve been single all 34 years of my life and don’t feel humiliated about it. I like being single though and no one would invite me to a wedding unless it was to object
I mostly had the same problem too. Even when I had a fiance, he would feel sick so we’d leave early and then he’d magically get better after, we left even at a NYE party (I called off the wedding eventually). So I started bringing any single GF I could find to be my “date” which helped a lot. I have social anxiety so I needed to have someone with me or I wouldn’t/couldn’t go. And majority of my couple-friends are in awful relationships so the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Keep doing you & I hope you find your person!!
You could be like me. 35 and just having finalized a divorce. I know it’s lonely now, but I hope you don’t rush your happily ever after. There are a lot of frogs out there lol. Wishing you the best and sending you virtual hugs in the meantime.
How bout a 21M gym addict pursuing mbbs?
Yeh, nothing puts a mirror on your single status like a slow dance at a wedding unfortunately. What I learnt over time was that I couldn’t control that situation but I could control how I reacted. So now I’ll pick out a friend, old person, kid and have a little dance or go grab a drink and chat to the bar staff. I figure I may as well enjoy myself in life and if I meet someone while doing it then great!
Ps. I went on holiday this summer with 6 couples (some with children, some without) and me as the only single person. I had a ball as I could do whatever I wanted, hang with my friends, play with the kids, do my own thing.
I have been in situations like that. And Jesus, does it suck. I am sorry you are going through that. Being alone at any social event is painful. How could it not be?
Thank you very much for sharing. I think it is admirable that you keep putting yourself out there.
A few ideas: if there’s a place to stand that is more inconspicuous you should head over there so you feel less like the only one sitting. If not maybe take some pictures? Or of course you can always pull out your phone and browse Reddit lol
It sounds like you have a lot of athletic interests – pickleball, tennis, working out and you are apparently on and off dating sites
Keep trying. Maybe try some new areas. If you play bridge, go to a bridge parlor and play at different times, ie beginner, duplicate.
Go to the dog park if you have a dog
Consider a church singles group – find one that is organized by age groups. You don’t want to be in a group that is mostly twenty year olds
Go to a speed dating event – again organized by age groups
I’m a (31m) Can’t really help in the “what to do” but this post heavily resonates in me, I’m always feel like I’m under pressure to be in a relationship or be successful to matter to my friends or family it’s like a giant weight or burden even though I know doesn’t really matter, your a strong soul, and your time will come but like most things in life you just gotta keep going at it. At least that’s what I tell my self 😂 I know your pain things work out in the end!
Weddings can be one of the worst places to be when you’re single, I (35M) was my mates best man at his and whilst I had a fantastic time, there were moments of empty loneliness. I spent a lot of my time being a baby sitter but also dancing with someone’s mum, much to the adolescent sons disgust 😅 there’s good and bad days when you’re single, it sounds like you’re already doing the right thing!
learn to be still in a moment of discomfort. it’s a superpower.
I assure you that no one’s paying as much attention to you as you are. no one will remember what you did at the wedding. I mean this in kindness and sincerity: no one cares.
Hey, if it makes you feel any better… I (38 M) have been to 3 weddings this year and not one of them has even given me the option to bring a Plus One. 🫤
I am going to my 4th and final wedding of the year next week. The couple is really into Bigfoot for some reason and I just got asked today if I would be willing to put on a Bigfoot costume and surprise them while they are taking photos after the ceremony. Like… yes… there’s nothing I’d rather do than take off all of my nice wedding clothes, put on a costume which will fuck up my nicely combed hair, get all sweaty, then put all my nice wedding clothes back on, and then try to pull a date at the reception. FML
> last date… humiliated me in front of whole patio
That’s rough. I’d be interested to know what actually went down, because for a grown person to humiliate someone in public like that, there’s usually more beneath the surface; like idk unacceptable behavior tbh
HUGS. I get it. It’s hard. It’s always a little awkward but I rather kind of be there alone than introduce a man who will decide they don’t want a relationship with me after they meet all my friends lol
Tbh, I stopped going to weddings especially since I was never given a +1. There are some I wouldn’t skip but I got tired of shelling out hundreds, sometimes thousands of dollars to go to a wedding for people who didn’t even want to allow me a +1 so I could enjoy myself. I also understand it’s their big day and love that for them, I just can congratulate them and celebrate their life milestone in a different way. Honestly, they have a good time regardless and my presence isn’t necessary. But I totally get what you mean about feeling lonely and left out. I think that’s super valid.