Okay, so before I get into this, I wanna start off by saying that prior to July of this year I had never dated before in my life. Now I have multiple people interested in me and I’m really confused. Have no idea how to proceed.
Basically, in August, I (24F) entered a FWB with a (29M) man. We bonded a lot over all of our interests and quickly started speaking multiple times a day and hanging out a lot. After 3 weeks he told me that he loved me, and I told him that I reciprocated his feelings. However, I made it very clear that I don’t think love and emotional compatibility is a strong foundation for a relationship. I like everything about him emotionally, spiritually, and creatively, but we have completely different life goals and very different values. Because of this, I kinda made a distinction between “partner” and “lover,” and told him that while I love him and want to be with him currently, I don’t want him to be my life partner, and I’m not gonna commit to being in a relationship because I’m looking for something very specific when choosing a potential spouse. He was disappointed that I didn’t wanna be in a relationship and told me that he’s never felt this degree of intimacy with anyone before, but agreed that our differences in values and life goals could lead to resentment in the future if we pursued a long term relationship. I told him that I’m not actively looking for a partner at the moment, but if what I desire comes my way, I will pursue them. We also agreed to being sexually exclusive, but I gave him full permission to not compromise any opportunities with people that may be a better fit for him.
Over the last two months we’ve had a lot of fun together, bonded over shared interests and hobbies, and even done one travelling together. Things got complicated around the beginning of this month when I met someone (24M) who is literally everything I’ve ever wanted in a partner. Basically, I made a list a while ago of everything my ideal partner would have, and he checks all those boxes. We’ve been dating casually— no physical contact yet— just getting food and did a hike together. He told me he’s not tryna rush into a relationship but that he would be in one with me when I’m ready. Because this started out pretty casual, I never even told my FWB that I was gonna go on some dates cause I wasn’t sure what would happen.
Now I’m so confused. I am so so so emotionally attached to my FWB, and I feel like I’d actually be in pain if I ended things between us. I feel an emotional intimacy with him that I’ve never felt with anyone, but I know we can’t work out together as partners. I’d like to keep him in my life, even if just as a friend. But I also don’t feel that I’d be completely emotionally available to just jump into a relationship with the other guy, because I’d need time to get over my FWB. I’m also hesitant to get into a committed relationship because I’m likely gonna be moving to a different city for work mid-year in 2026.
Please give me advice. I really don’t know what to do.