TLDR: My boyfriend (24m) and I (24f) have been together for 3 years, living together for 6 months, and he hasn’t planned a single date since living together, and seems to make an effort to spend time with me only when it’s convenient. Is this him settling down and no longer putting effort into the relationship?
My bf (24m) and I (24f) have been together for 3 years and living together for 6 months. For the past 2 months I’ve been struggling to feel content with my relationship, due to the quality time we spend together, and I’ve expressed that to my boyfriend. We both have fairly busy schedules, so making time to spend together is difficult sometimes but not impossible.
When I first started having issues, I talked to him about it and we concluded that we have different perceptions of quality time (I like things to be more intentional, and he is okay with just coexisting). Following that conversation I told him that I will be initiating more plans to spend more quality time together, and now that he knows what I want/need I expect him to as well.
Since we live together, we eat dinner together almost every night, but he tends to prefer to watch tv and eat. Since our conversation, my bf has made the small effort to have dinner at the dining table at not watch tv once a week, which I do appreciate. However, this is the only thing he’s done to initiate quality time (which honestly feels like the bare minimum). On some nights he asks if I’d rather watch tv or sit at the table, which feels like he would rather watch tv and is leaving it up to me to make the effort.
Since our conversation, only I have initiated dates/activities for us. And upon some reflection, i genuinely cannot remember the last time he initiated a date on his own. Basically, it feels like he is putting in the bare minimum effort and only initiates quality time when it’s convenient for him (aka when we are both going to eat dinner anyways). I know that in our previous conversation I didn’t specifically ask to be taken on dates, but I feel like it’s also implied in a relationship, in addition to the fact that we used to go on dates and I’m still planning dates for us.
One of my major concerns though, is that in our previous conversation, I expressed feeling emotionally distant because I was lacking the emotional connection I get from quality time with him, to which he responded with something along the lines of “this is what happens in long term relationships when you settle down”.
I want to say that this is just a relationship slump that we can work through, but since I’ve already tried to communicate with him, and he still is putting in minimal effort, I’m not sure if this is a bigger issue than I think it is and I should reconsider the future of this relationship?