My Situation:
My wife(30F) and I(34M) argued about finances yesterday, and I’m feeling frustrated and exhausted. We have been together for over 7 years and this feels like a constant theme with us.
Here’s the reality of our situation:
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Our mortgage is about $2,200 per month.
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Including all bills, I personally pay $2,700–$3,000 per month.
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My wife contributes only $200–$300 toward heating and electricity.
This is a massive imbalance. I make about $140,000 per year, and she makes around $40,000. I’m not asking her to pay half — I’ve always proposed a fair arrangement: that she contribute about 20–30% of her take-home pay (roughly $600–$700) to a joint account to help with bills and savings. I would still cover the vast majority of expenses.
The Problem:
Despite this, she has repeatedly resisted the idea. She has accumulated around $25,000 in credit card debt and blames me for asking her to contribute $700 a month when she was earning more (about $60,000) working two jobs. I struggle to understand how that’s unaffordable — when I was younger and earning only $45,000, I managed to pay all of my own bills.
I feel like she has very poor financial habits. She spends carelessly, has little understanding of budgeting, and often portrays herself as a victim. Despite eating out frequently and buying Starbucks daily, she blames me for her debt.
I’ve even gone out of my way to help her. I’ve:
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Given her multiple months with no bills at all so she could focus on paying off debt.
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Paid thousands of dollars of her debt myself.
The Breaking Point:
Yesterday, I mentioned that our mortgage went up due to taxes and that I now have to cover the cost of a $30,000 HVAC system by myself. Her response? Once again, she said her sister is “lucky” because her husband pays 100% of their bills.
This was especially frustrating because:
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I didn’t even ask her to pay more.
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I’ve consistently told her to focus on her debt and legal fees related to her citizenship process. (She’s been in US since a child- she’s a dreamer)
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I’ve covered huge expenses alone, including a new roof and a bathroom remodel — over $30,000 in the last two years.
How I Feel:
I’m tired. I make a strong income and still feel like I can’t save anything. I’m constantly covering expenses with minimal help from someone who works full-time. I feel unappreciated and resentful.
It’s not just about money, either. While she occasionally cooks and cleans, I also share those responsibilities. On top of that, I handle all yard work and home projects. This past summer alone, I spent over 80 hours doing things like:
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Cement work in the basement
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Spray-foam insulation
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Removing and replacing HVAC ducts
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Rebuilding door frames
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Insulating and weather-proofing the garage
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Installing a new garage door opener for her space
She hasn’t spent even a fraction of that time on household tasks. I feel like the effort is completely one-sided.
Where I Need Help:
At this point, I don’t know what to do next. I’m trying to be fair, but I feel like I’m being taken advantage of. I don’t expect a 50/50 split — I just want effort, partnership, and financial responsibility.
Right now, I feel like I’m carrying this marriage financially and physically while being blamed for problems I didn’t create.
TL;DR! my wife thinks it’s okay to not contribute a reasonable amount to bills even though she works full time