I’m a 29F and my husband is 31M. We’ve been together for 6 years and married for 3. Lately it just feels off between us. We still love each other but something’s missing. We don’t really talk much anymore and when we do it’s surface level. Even small things like hugs or sitting together feel awkward and forced. It’s like we’re in the same room but miles apart.
I keep wondering if this is just a phase or if we’re slowly growing apart for real. I want us to feel close again and communicate like we used to. I’ve been thinking maybe I should start by working on how I handle arguments and express myself but I’m not sure where to begin or if it would even help.
What should I do to bring back that connection and get us feeling close again?
TLDR:
29F married to 31M for 3 years together for 6. We still love each other but feel disconnected. I want to rebuild our closeness. What can I do to fix that?
11 comments
You need to open up the communication again. Have an honest discussion and put it all on the table before it’s too late.
Try some new things together, go on regular dates, and ask some questions to spark deeper discussion. I think where you are at is kind of a natural rut that can happen in a long term relationship, and if you don’t try to connect more, my experience is that things just kinda fizzle out.
It’s actually pretty normal. what you’re describing sounds like emotional drift. it happens when both people stop feeding the little moments that build connection. not because love’s gone but because routine kind of dulls it.
try being curious again. ask questions that aren’t about chores or plans. listen for the small things that remind you who he is. and yeah focus more on how you show up not on what he’s missing.
if you want something structured for that kind of self work Affemity has some solid communication coaching. Bloom’s good too if you want a softer vibe.
No its not normal, but I suggest trying activities you love doing with your spouse see if thst helps reconnect
It’s very common! You will cycle through all the phases of a relationship if you are together long enough. The trick is choosing to change together. Start dating again. Google the 36 questions that lead to love and talk through them. My husband and I did them one question a day, after dinner. Make your own little rituals together. The dog and I go give my husband kisses when we wake up in the morning (he gets up first). He always brings me my second coffee of the morning. Little things. Say please and thank you to build mutual respect and appreciation.
It’s been 35 years mor my marriage. We’ve been in our honeymoon phase, the roommates phase, the struggle phase multiple times. You do need to work at a relationship, but it’s such joyful work.
You could try one of those card games where you ask each other questions that don’t come up in normal conversations. Like “We’re not really strangers” or “Let’s get deep”.
How’s the sex?
What you’re going through happens in a LTR. It’s what you do now that defines the relationship as one that will continue to struggle and peter out, or be a long term committed marriage that has its ups and downs.
Lots of great advice out there, but at a high level what you need to do is *deliberately* (even to the point of it feeling forced) make time for intimacy. This means 1:1 time (ex date night) where you have conversations about what you’ve been feeling and thinking about that ends in having sex. Repeat, it’s. reinforcing cycle. It’s amazing how really choosing to do these things brings back the closeness you had (and can have again).
> We don’t really talk much anymore and when we do it’s surface level.
Yes, I think it’s normal to feel distant from someone you rarely speak to, even if you happen to live in the same space. If you’ve lost the ability to sit together comfortably, something is very wrong. It has to start with an open conversation about how you’re feeling and what you both want to do about it.
That actually sounds really normal. Relationships go through phases where the connection feels distant, especially after a few years. It’s good that you still care and want to work on it. Try starting with small things, talk honestly, spend intentional time together, and do something fun you both enjoy. Sometimes it’s not about big changes, just rebuilding those little moments that made you close in the first place.
Yes, it happens. Do an activity together. Ideally take a vacation. If that’s not an option small things like a paint night or a wood shop. Pretty much anything. I think it’s because being around actual strangers helps you realize how much you two are not strangers.
That’s pretty normal in a monogamous long relationship, you guys are all the time together and doing a lot of routines, both of you need to look in a way to break it up sometimes.