hi i am 21 M and my long distance gf? Is 20M. We have been together for a little bit over 2 years but we met about 5 years ago through instagram. I asked her out and she rejected me when we were young, but we reconnected when we were older. We live a state away and she has been here for months at a time. I am her first boyfriend and her first everything.
Off to a bad start bc we met while i was addicted to coke and in drug induced psychosis. She helped me get sober but i never treated psychosis. it led to constant problems. I would constantly accuse her of cheating and being a paid actor( see more on my post history).
I never really let myself truly treat her how she deserved to be treated bc of my delusions. ive done multiple things that made her feel less than but i never cheated. She never really forgave me and all the anger built up. Lately she had been distant and texting less and less . Then it got to a breaking point since she is not just super angry about being hurt. now she says i just make her angry. I suggested couples therapy but she absolutely refuses. She just feels angry about being hurt and sometimes hurts me because of it.
she says she does not want a relationship with anyone. But besides my mental health issues we had normal couple issues but we never got into screaming matches with each other and had arguments like other relationships i had before my mental went south.
I just want to know if it’s worth holding on to hope while i get the help i desperately need and maybe trying again in the future? I feel as if what we have is real and maybe time can heal our wounds. My sister says im beating a dead horse and i sort of feel that way too but she says she still loves me. She still wants to be my friend but doesnt want me that way anymore. Is it gonna be like this forever or do i have hope?