I’m curious to know if other women do the same. But I was recently approached in public by an attractive guy, I got his number and IG and we’ve been talking.

But holy shit does this man not have a filter with the likes. Half of my explore page turned into IG models, and when I looked at his following he followed a good 30 OF accounts. I might sound wild but I honestly do believe social media is a reflection of your habits. I feel like if you have a porn addiction, that’s going to reflect on your page.

I was wondering if other women have rejected men because of this?. And men have you been rejected because of this? What did you do to make things right?


41 comments

  4. Not sure what advice you’re asking for. Reject him for whatever inane reason you want to, it’s your right

  6. From a guy’s perspective, I’ve never been rejected for my IG following, but i definitely have had people, potential friends and women I’ve pursued, who have not liked that I didn’t have an IG account at all, so I know social media presence is very important to people, and I see why people feel that way. Your situation is different though, it’s difficult to trust in general, and if someone is exacerbating that with OF model content on their feed then it makes sense for it to be a dealbreaker

  7. I would likely be turned off by someone who was following a lot of OF models or soft core stuff on social media.

  8. Yes I have, it usually indicates some type of porn addiction.

    I can understand someone watching porn in private or whatever but when it seeps into your IG where friends, coworkers, family could potentially see it and there’s not a care in the world it gives me the ick.

  10. My ex was a porn addict. I didn’t notice it via Instagram but expressed my concerns with him. He made it seem like he made a change, but the bedroom told a different story. You did the right thing.

  11. You have more self-respect and control than me. Same thing happened to me. A very attractive guy approached me out of the blue and asked me for my insta. I saw his following, none were OF accounts, but instagram influencers and models. Like I think he followed 60-70% women. He turned out to be a player and we had a situationship that lasted about a month. I hope to one day have more self respect and reject men that are clearly players before I get attached.

  12. Can’t imagine a guy who would approach random women in public that _isn’t_ that sex-crazed, since the normal guys aren’t going to just see a woman and think “Oh she’s so hot, I need her.”

  13. Before rejecting him, I would talk to him about the issue bothering you, listen to his answer, and then decide whether or not you want to be with him. Communication is key.

  14. I think you’re being horribly judgmental. As long as you’re okay with that level of hyper judgment of you for everything you might like or follow or think about in any way, shape or form. The problem is I find that the same people who are so happy to judge others like this get extraordinarily pissed when someone returns the favor.

  15. I used to reject men due to their Instagram following and decided to let ONE slide because he was everything I’ve ever wanted on paper. I regret it so much – the mixture of wandering eyes, checking his likes and followings brought me the most pain and insecurity I’ve ever experienced. I was extremely confident before, almost to the point of delusion. Trying to find myself again.

  16. If social media is a reflection of your habits then you should be rejected for this post.

  17. Those who associate with OF in any capacity are gross. I actively ignore people who choose that lifestyle. It just doesn’t align with my values of self-respect. Women who have OF are communicating that they’re happy putting a price tag on their bodies (which reinforces their objectification)… Let them find out for themselves that when they become the commodity, they also can’t be upset when their bodies drop in value. If people want that lifestyle, who am I to tell them what they can/can’t do.

    -35M

  18. I would never use my personal IG account for talking to people. I would use a purpose built account for it. Because likes and follows are public.

  19. I think ppl care way too much about what others do on social media and online in general. I don’t think following OF models means you’re a porn addict.

  22. >I honestly do believe social media is a reflection of your habits.

    Is there an issue with it though?

    I mean, he’s a single guy acting as a single guy can do. If you were dating and he was still following that stuff and seeking out that kind of content then yes, it becomes an issue, but you can’t really hold it against a guy for doing the things single men so while single. He watches porn and masturbates, would you rather him be hooking up with different women every night? Or course not. You can feel how you want about porn, but a single person making use of porn while single isn’t exactly scandalous.

    As an aside though, i do think there can be some nuance to this kind of thing. I’m a big comedy guy, I perform standup comedy myself, I spend a lot of time watching and listening to comedy. I follow a couple of OF people but it’s because they post comedy content as well as the usual OF type stuff. I don’t exactly hate the latter, but I’m there for the comedy. I don’t expect that the majority of OF people are going to be posting comedy stuff but there’s enough doing it that if i don’t think it’s wholly fair to jump straight to porn when a man follows a woman he doesn’t know on instagram

  24. The thing is if porn is so much of a thing for him can normal sex stand up to all the porn that’s on his mind?

    Then if you actually do get in a relationship with him how much of your time will be lost to the porn addiction, and how much money?

  27. Yeah big 🚩and its a deal breaker for me. My last boyfriend followed a bunch of OF creators and sexy influencer types and i put a hard stop to it early on and told him its embarrassing for him and makes me uncomfortable. Like your colleagues and friends and family can see this shit. To his credit he went through and removed them all, but we definitely had intimacy and boundary issues down the track due to too much porn consumption. It was a huge problem. I scope out anyone’s following list now and make sure they aren’t filled with this stuff, it’s so off putting.

  28. Nope, I do the same. It’s an absolute deal breaker for me if a man has a following that is indicative of sexually objectifying behaviors on his end. It reflects a misalignment in morals and values between myself and them. No point in dating someone to then try and change them. Also, changing someone else’s behavior doesn’t change their morals and values. The real problem is in misalignment. It’s better to just move on and find someone who naturally aligns.

  29. I have a range of men and women on my online stuff. If someone I am dating rejects me because of my friends, later skater 😆
    Jealousy has no place in any relationship and if a friends list alone causes the reject, I am waaay better off

  31. I haven’t been rejected because of this, but I’m also not stupid enough to follow girls I wanna goon to on a public page where people can see my likes and following. That’s just stupid

  32. As a 46M. Yes. A red flag for a man. And no I ever been rejected for who I followed.

    Now. I’ve probably been ghosted for what I randomly posted lmao. But I don’t follow IG models and sexual pages anyway.

    I already hate when I friend a guy I know, his sexual following algorithm, crosses over to my explore page RIGHT after friending them smh lol

  34. Yes I have as a man. I follow some news accounts across the political spectrum to get a diverse range of views – left wing, centre, and right wing. When she went through my followers list (which I found bizarre) and it turned up a few right wing news outlets she called it off.

  36. In general, for me it’s a dealbreaker. But it also depends on the guy. When I met my boyfriend he was following maybe 20 sexy instagram girl accounts. On our second or third date, I expressed to him that I found it really unattractive, and not something I’d ever accept in a boyfriend.

    The next morning he removed all the accounts and hasn’t followed anything like that since. He was very genuine about not wanting his bachelor habits ruin something special, or for me to get the wrong idea about him.

    If his reaction was not like this, I wouldn’t have continued to date him, so yeah I’d also reject a guy for it.

  37. So – what is wrong with liking women and/or watching porn? Humans are, generally, interested in sex

    Edit: I cant have been rejected because of my following as I don’t have IG

  38. Bad life choices and difference of values is probably the best reason to break up with someone. You did the right thing.

    Now, if you broke up with someone because they posted “normie” memes, or the animal videos they posted had annoying background music, that would be more debatable. But even then, I get it. If my future spouse sends me dog videos, I want to be sure I don’t have to mute.

  39. You’re not crazy for noticing patterns like that. A man’s follows tell you what he feeds his brain with. If he’s constantly flooding it with thirst traps and OF girls, that’s a data point about impulse control and how he regulates attention. You’re not judging – you’re filtering for alignment.

    You don’t “fix” that in a guy. You filter it out. If a man’s online world doesn’t line up with how he claims to move in real life, believe the online version.

    The healthy move is to stop explaining your standards to people who don’t live by them. Just stick to them. The right men won’t make you question your gut.

    [The NoMixedSignals Newsletter](https://NoMixedSignals.com/Subscribe) has some blunt takes on vetting and self-respect that vibe with this – worth a peek!

  41. Last year I was supposed to meet with a guy who seemed perfect. He never talked about sex, but once complained that “OF chicks” were adding him on Facebook. Then I found out he was a registered sex offender and had a porn addiction.

    I’m not saying it’s the same situation, but a man who can’t control his urges can’t possibly be good relationship material.

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